I was a weird kid who looked forward to babysitting. I mean, I loved it. So when Mrs. McDaniel would call on Monday to ask if my sister Sara and I could babysit her three darling daughters on Saturday, my answer was always an exuberant yes.
You mean I get paid to hang out with freckle-faced little loves who like to play with my hair and take walks around the neighborhood and give big squeezy hugs? Heck ya, I can babysit.
From early on I adored children, so it’s not surprising that I couldn’t wait to have a few curtain crawlers under my own roof one day.
Fast forward a decade when my husband and I learned we were going to have not one but two babies, I couldn’t have been more excited – in a terrified kind of way. On a humid day in early August, those small babies arrived with big fanfare, and their wee little cries washed me in love and adoration. Man, was I ever smitten with those brothers born at the same time.
But the first thing I learned after birthing those two 5 1/2 lbs wonders as well as their little sister? Parenting your own children ain’t nothin’ like babysitting others’.
Not by a long shot.
As my own mothering honeymoon wore off, it grabbed a hold of my idealized notion of parenting and scampered into the distance. And while I genuinely relished my mama role in so many ways (and still do), I couldn’t ignore the real picture of motherhood that stood in place of my idealized version. You know, the one that included children not playing with my hair but making me want to pull my own hair out.
The one that didn’t include sweet neighborhood walks but me chasing runaway kids down the neighborhood sidewalk.
And during a more trying season, the one where a particular freckle-faced love didn’t hug me but told me he hated me.
It didn’t take long for those bad moments to gang up on me and tell me I get an F for parenting, an F for Failure. And no parenting book I read talked about that or mentioned the incredible weight this would place on my mama heart.
Another decade of parenting under my belt thankfully taught me that failed moments – or days or seasons – don’t make you a failing mother. No, no, no. Failed moments are not the end of the story, they’re a fruitful field for a fresh start. A fresh start that can begin now because God’s grace can be found right now.
Right where you’re standing.
And right where you least expect it.
God’s grace is ours for the taking right when you lose your cool or keep your calm. Right over mile-high laundry and under butterfly bedspreads. Right when your teens need ferried across town and when your little ones need ferried to the bathroom. Right around the living room fireplace and through the bad moods. His grace is found inside the teenager’s haven’t-seen-the-floor-in-weeks bedroom and outside in conversation on the front porch. It’s there when you’re laughing ’til your side hurts over something your son said and crying your eyes out over something your daughter did.
It’s God whispering, Take heart, mama. You’re doing better thank you think.
That is the version of motherhood I want to share with the women in my life, the version that says it is harder than any parenting book will portray, but it’s also more glorious than you thought possible. It’s a love affair and a holy invitation where the days are too long and the years too short. It’s a part of life that will humble you and teach you and move you to your knees, which is a great place to be.
It will cause your heart to both break and burst as it bends to look more like Christ.
And that’s the best place to be.
One of my best girlfriends, Lisa-Jo Baker, released her debut book this week called Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected About Being a Mom Unlike me, Lisa-Jo swore she’d never have kids. Surprised by Motherhood details the unlikely story of Lisa-Jo’s heart change from that mindset to having three children of her own.
I’ve read Surprised by Motherhood twice (so far), and whether you always wanted to be a mama or never imagined yourself as one, you’ll want to spend quality time with this book again and again. Written in gorgeous prose, this book is like the honest and hilarious girlfriend who gets the hard but glorious truth of motherhood. Its words will make you want to high five the mama closest to you as it floods your heart with genuine you can do this! hope. It will make you want to trade that F for Failure into an F for Freedom.
Here’s the straight up truth: this book is the one I wish I had 15 years ago when I was out-to-here pregnant with twins. Or 10 years ago raising littles. But it’s the book I’m glad to have today raising a tween and two teens. I give it 5 exuberant stars!
To learn more about Lisa-Jo’s book, watch the trailer below. You can find Surprised by Motherhood at B&N, Christianbook.com, Amazon, and DaySpring.
“Parenting your own children ain’t nothin’ like babysitting others’.” ha ain’t that the truth!!n You’re the girlfriend I would have wanted living next door to me when we were doing the gruelling years of early motherhood. Heck, I still want you living next door to me now. Love you dear one, LJ
Thanks for writing such a jewel of a book, LJ.
Love you forever. xoxo
Yes, I’m with you! I was the girl who loved babysitting, the one whom other’s called naturally “gifted” with children. But our second-born gave me the challenge of my life – probably ’cause he’s the most like me. And then when we thought we might be ready for number 3, God blessed us with twins! I had no idea how we’d survive, but by God’s grace, we did. 🙂 Mothering teaches us so much about ourselves, doesn’t it? I think that’s part of the hard work. I’m so thankful that “failed moments aren’t the end of the story.”
Jen from Being Confident of This 🙂
Twins for children 3 and 4? You deserve a double high five and a lifetime supply of free venti Starbucks. 🙂
But by the grace of God indeed. Learning alongside you, Jen. xo
Amen about babysitting other people’s kids! lol. I purchased the book yesterday and cannot wait. I am the ultimate independent professional single girl and next year when I marry my fiance I am going to automatically become a momma of awesome kids ages 6, 8, and 10 since they live with him full time! So when I saw this book I just knew it was for me. I am so thankful for the fantastic community of Christian moms online because I have been reading up a lot on motherhood and the surprises that come with it!
Maria, you’re going to love it! And big congrats on your upcoming marriage! You’ll be a fantastic mama, I just know it.
Your words about motherhood are as sweet as Lisa-Jo’s. For real. This- “Failed moments are not the end of the story, they’re a fruitful field for a fresh start. A fresh start that can begin now because God’s grace can be found right now.” Thank you! That is some good grace for this mama. This book has breathed life into this not-so-sure-I-know-what-I’m-doing mother and I can tell you have a thing or two to say to speak life into that part of me, too. So glad to have found your blog. 😀
A warm wave to you, beautiful Meredith! And thank you for your kind words. I looove meeting new friends. xo
love the…”where the hours are too long and the years too short”…especially feeling that now that my nest is emptying
I couldn’t agree more. There’s nothing like experiencing it for yourself including the highs, lows, failures and accomplishments.
And yes, just because we fall down at times or screw up doesn’t make us a bad momma. So glad for his forgiveness, strength and motivation to press on.
@carmelmoments
I just stumbled upon this post as I was reading a few others of yours today. Thank you.
Thank you for speaking to my “F for Failure” heart today. Parenting has been so difficult for me and just this afternoon I thought to myself that I’m just not cut out for this and that I’m probably ruining my kid. I really wanted to quit today. Throw the towel in. But, God spoke to me through you. And now I have a book that I need to read.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.