I’m in the kitchen – around the corner from the living room and stairs, but I can tell which man-child of mine is coming by the way he bounds down those stairs. Ethan sounds like a labrador retriever sprinting after his favorite ball, James barrels down them like a great dane.
These growing boys can cross a room in a few steps and the only thing wider than their stride is their smiles. They are big and boisterous and talkative and loud and make noises with their body that are both hilarious and horrifying.
And I wouldn’t trade them or these teenage years for anything. I love catching more vibrant glimpses of the gifts and talents God’s given them and the character and integrity they reflect from Him. I will always be on my knees grateful that God thought enough of me to make me their mom.
Don’t misunderstand – I’m not romanticizing this parenting stage. I could grab with both hands a plethora of do-over days. I could do without our arguments and my quick assumptions and their poor choices. Our house shakes from slammed doors and the people inside shudder from anger and hurt feelings. But overall, these teenage years have been a shockingly pleasant surprise.
I chatted about this lately in a podcast with mom-extraordinaire Kat Lee, and Kat got me thinking on why I used to view this parenting stage as terrible, horrible, no good and very bad. I’m sure part of it was due to the stigma modern convention gives teenagers. I’m sure part of it was because like sharing horrors of birth stories, some women like to share horrors from raising teenagers. I also know part of it was because more than one well-intentioned woman would find me and my well behaved or not-so-well behaved toddlers in the grocery aisle and say with a laugh,
“Just you wait ’til they’re teenagers!”
In other words, no matter how easy or hard you think parenting is now, sister, it will get worse. Much worse.
Every time, I would say to myself No thank you, Scary Teenage Years. You can stay far, far away.
But ready or not, here they are. And believe it or not, I love this parenting stage.
Now my teens are only 14, and I still have plenty of time to change my mind on this. But I don’t believe these years are any easier or harder than the other parenting stages we’ve gone through. They’re just different. Easier in some ways, harder in others.
And chock-full of goodness.
So if you are a parenting stage or two behind me and I run into you in the grocery aisle, I might let history repeat itself and say something along the lines of Just you wait ’til they’re teenagers!
Because you might just love those years, too.
To be honest, I always resented it when folks told me to ‘just wait’ — seemed to discount whatever difficulty I was facing. Now mine are in those years and I love it so much that I actually am also a volunteer youth leader for our middle/high school ministry. Yes, they’re difficult seasons (very) … but frankly, far more difficult for them than us. Have you read “Hurt 2.0” by Chap Clark. I highly recommend it!
I haven’t read that, Kirsten. Looking that one up right now ~ thanks for the recommend.
LOVED the teen years with my son and am loving them with my daughter right now! I read the book “Age of Opportunity” by Paul David Tripp, when my college age son was in 6th grade and it was wonderful. Best book out there on raising teens in my opinion.
I have a daughter who’s a tween, so I’ll be there with her soon. Glad to know you’re loving this time with your girl now, too.
Carrie, I agree — Age of Opportunity was (is!) a wonderful and practical book. Don’t know if you saw the book I recommended (above) but it is a fantastic insight into today’s youth culture. Really helped me understand the mentality undergirding the teens I work with every week. Check it out!
Thank you. This momma’s heart is very much encouraged, and I’m so glad you took the time to share this.
You’re welcome, Becky. Thank *you*.
I love my teen girls, and have to snicker when people “wait until”… They are truly beautiful, compassionate and fun! I wouldn’t trade this time or any time with them for the world!! 🙂
I love your attitude, good mama. Love it.
“Just you wait …” is one of my least favorite lines from one mom to another because it’s usually filled with judgement and comparison. But, you, my friend, have given me a whole new outlook on those words. SO REFRESHING.
Love you, Kristin.
I don’t know if it is because I am blessed to have a good child from infant until now. Never had a problem with my child in 16 years. My son is obedient and has always been. I know that’s one of the reasons he is an only child as everyone told me the next time I won’t be that lucky. However, I say I am blessed. Due to his blessed personality, the same good behavior is exhibited wherever he goes.
I love your post. I had 4 kids in 5 years and our teen years were fun, scary, and the hardest work I ever did. I have some not so proud moments and lots of times on my knees in prayer. Boy were these kids covered in prayers! They are all adults now and I too love seeing them become adults. From working out their faith in their own terms to becoming parents. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how they have matured. Those things I thought didn’t stick did and they have even surprised us with their not so conventional ways of doing life and taught mom and dad a thing or two. Thank you for sharing!
I have one teenager that is 16 and my oldest will be 19 in May. I agree with you every stage has it’s trials and blessings. I have enjoyed my teens. A matter of fact I started a tradition 2 years ago where I have my boys invite friends over on New Years Eve. It gives them a safe place to have fun. Girls get driven home and some guys stay till the next day. This year we rang in the new year with 8 teens my hubby and I. I loved every moment of it. Don’t listen to those people. Last year my oldest was diagnosed with depression something that runs in the family. We got a call from the nurse. I didn’t see it coming till that weekend. He was involved in marching band and school, good grades great friends, his teachers loved him. We were blessed in that situation by nurses and others. Everyday I’m glad he is alive and still with us. I know some are not so lucky to say that. So love each stage, you’ll make mistakes but let them go. There will be more tomorrow. Thank you for your blogs.
I loved the teenage years!! As a mom and now a Nana, I used to say the only age I didn’t like was 6…. Then my granddaughter has proved me wonderfully wrong! Enjoy, Enjoy!!! God is good!!
That’s so cute, Cathy. Thank you for sharing this!
I want to CHEER for this because I whole-heartedly agree, Kristen! I have loved/am loving the teenage years. Perhaps these, more than all the others, have changed me…for good. To be smarter, more open, and in some ways, more loving? Regardless, I, too, want to share the message YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR the teenage years!
Love this word of encouragement to those who might be scared :).
Kristen,
I, too, am not a fan of “Just wait”. Every child is different and there are many parenting styles out there. The teenage years can be the most fun, or the least. They may be difficult times for both the child and the parent, but every season of life is difficult.
My season is in dealing with a widowed aging father. Moving him into assisted living, dealing with possible skin cancer and all the other stuff that goes with aging. Each person deals with life and its trials differently.
Praise God for His wisdom in dealing with teenagers and aging parents!
Blessings 🙂
The teen years can be wonderful and challenging for sure 🙂 I am happy to hear you are loving this parenting stage! There have been many ups and downs with my daughter but I have definitely found that parenting books and blogs have helped me realize that A. so many other parents are going through what I am and B. there is help and advice out there! One of my most difficult challenges recently has been preparing my daughter for college. She is still in high school but I know how crucial it is to make the transition for her as stress-free and as exciting as possible. She and I both shared an amazing book together entitled, “10 Things I Wish I Knew in High School” by author Sarah Galimore (www.eppinspires.com). Many students find that due to competitiveness of college admissions and uncertain economic conditions, life after high school can be difficult and SCARY for the unprepared student. This book offers insights into the experience of a young professional (the author) and some of the challenges she encountered as a student and later, in the workplace. The website is also a fantastic online educational community where additional tools and resources are being made available to students. The book really covers everything from making the most of the high school experience to furthering your education and finally finding the job that will ultimately make you happy! After reading this and sharing it with my daughter I have been telling all the parents I know about it! A must read for parents and teens!
Thank you, Leslie! I will check it out.