My boots clip-clop clip-clop on the linoleum floor as I canter into the school auditorium. Today is Faith’s “Student of the Month” luncheon, and I come bearing her requested lunch treat: Subway. When I round the corner and my eyes find her, I’m surprised she looks trembly. As I set her lunch down and swing my legs under the long table, I ask what’s wrong.
Her doe-eyes clouded, she replies,
“Oh, nothing. I just thought you forgot.”
She smiles feebly in her relief.
I look at the cafeteria clock and see it reads five minutes into her lunch. Goodness. I’m five minutes late and she’s worried I forgot completely. Then again, it’s no small wonder she thinks I forgot since I completely and totally forgot both her brothers’ student of the month lunches earlier this year. My saving grace is that both middle school boys assured me that most middle school parents don’t come because mom, it’s really more of a little kid show, anyway.
The next fifteen minutes hold chatting and smiles and hugs. By the end, Faith’s eyes laugh happy. But as I make the short drive home, my mind travels back to this morning when the bickering between two of the three young’uns clawed at my head like fingernails on a chalkboard, resulting in my very unSunday school voice telling both perpetrators exactly what I thought of their behavior.
Losing patience with kids. Late for lunch. I see my parenting grade for the day.
Parenting: F
Housekeeping: F.
And I remember two nights ago, how the hubs wanted to watch a movie but I shook my no and mentioned working on my ebook with a How ’bout tomorrow night? But then tomorrow night came and I forgot it was the one night of the week where David and I are two ships passing until 10 pm. And sure enough, the next grade shows up bright red.
Wife: F
And so I step over the mess and trudge upstairs to my blue and silver workspace and open the laptop to re-read some of my own blog words. I lean back in the white chair annoyed for choosing such a poor title and ending. That post didn’t get too much traffic, so I assume others agree. And while I’m at it, I’ll just assume my grade in this area, too.
Writer: F
So I slam down the laptop and decide to go make chocolate chip cookies, because if there’s one thing I can ace, it’s cookies. As the cookies swell in the oven, I stare out the window at the whirling snow that is gaining momentum.
Why do I let a mistake or two gain momentum ’til I believe I’ve gone and flunked the entire day?
“If I do not stop and pray immediately – restating His love for me and my righteousness in Him – Satan will take my wave of sorrow as a vulnerability to accusation, and he will proceed with a hurricane of condemnation.” ~Beth Moore, Praying God’s Word.
Sometimes tsunamis come and crush hearts in seconds. But sometimes the enemy gains more ground by grabbing onto a mistake or two and using them to chip away at our hearts a little at a time. If I give him an inch, he’ll take a dozen miles while mowing down my heart like roadkill.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because thorough Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” ~ Romans 8:1
I know there are practical things I can do to show up on time and better manage all 1,982 things I do each week. But the purpose of living a Christ-filled life is to walk in the power of resurrection. I can pray Scripture and let His Word keep Satan’s lies from carving rivers in my heart that turn into canyons of condemnation.
The snow covers everything outside, and I can’t get over how my corner of the earth here gleams white and clean.
I’m thankful He does the same for my heart.
Just a reminder, tomorrow is our next out of the blue link-up! Feel free to stop by and share how God used a surprise adventure to give you joy or grow your faith.
Caryn says
Perfectly written Kristen! Yesterday was one of those “F” days for me…but by the shear grace of God, who goes over every report AFTER the enemy, He has changed every F into an A {!} It is just left to me to believe HIS report 😀
Kristen says
Beautifully said, Caryn. Thank *you*.
Laura says
Really enjoyed this post today!
Teri Lynne Underwood says
Oh Kristen, I could have written this. Often. Thank you for the reminder of GRACE that looks beyond all the mistakes, mishaps, and misfortunes and sees BELOVED.
xo
TL
Kristen says
Holding onto grace and seeing beloved with you, friend. Oh, how I love you!
karina allen says
I feel like I get an ‘F’ many a day!!!!!!!!!! Then, I have to remind myself that God redeems our mistakes and failings. I constantly have people tell me that they were blessed by something that I did or said when in my mind I thought that I blew it. God is SO much bigger than us and He moves in spite of us. His sovereignty is one of the things that I love most about Him! His work is not limited to what we do or say or don’t do or don’t say. Thankful for that! In all things, He wants to do a work in us and bring glory to Himself. 🙂
Kristen says
You remind me of how our God indeed fills our gaps. Thanks, Karina.
Amanda says
Oh, Kristen, I know that condemnation all too well. It just about ruined me. I’m so grateful God is giving me back my hope, and helping me to see the lies I’ve told myself. It is SO important to recognize daily what He has done for us, that He sees us as an A+ because of the work Christ did.
Kristen says
“He sees us as an A+ because of the work Christ did.” That sums it up perfectly. You bless me, Amanda!
Amy Hunt says
A big, hearty AMEN!
I so appreciate remembering I’m not alone as I read these words of self-condemnation I often fall prey to. Strong, wise truth here, sister.
Rebecca Petersen says
Love this post Friend. I way too often let my heart be chipped away. I’ll try to remember that I am not the one who gets to write the report card.
Kristen says
I need to remember that, too.
{And if you let me write your report card, I promise you’d pass with flying colors! You are a wonder, friend. I love you!}
Lou says
Your message arrived right on time. I’ve been giving myself Fs at home and at work today and my heart is dangerously close to being roadkill (loved that analogy!). Thank you for reminding me of God’s mercy and grace. Because of your message, I feel a little more like the Grinch at the END of the movie…my heart’s peeling itself off of the road and re-inflating – it’s getting bigger and bigger. Not going to let Satan smoosh it! Thank you!
Holley Gerth says
Girl, this post gave me tears in my eyes. And made me want to jump on a plane with a bottle of white out to go after that report card of yours. Be gentle with you, okay? Grade yourself like someone you’re encouraging…like you would grade me. You’d never give me Fs because you’re an A+++ friend. 🙂 That being said, I need to say the same thing to myself because I also grade my life harshly. Let’s stick together and try to spread grace instead of those grades. Love you! XO
martha says
wow, thanks. did i need this today. don’t ever stop writing. this was the only good thing in my mailbox today. thanks for throwing me a rope.
Becky says
Um, you’re so not an F writer. I read this with a lump in my throat, because I could’ve shared many of the same scenes, the same self-evaluations, the same heartache over supposing I ought to be someone better. Thanks for the reminder that God doesn’t operate on Satan’s grading system.
Kristen says
Thanks for letting me know it ain’t just me, Becky. I appreciate you!
Karen H. says
Beautiful post! Oh, how your words spoke to me today. Us mama’s are so quick to judge, condemn and ‘grade’ ourselves, when in reality we are amazing creatures who make things happen – even if it’s not “A+” material. My mom always told me “it’s not the letter grade that’s important, but doing your best is what matters most. Sometimes just showing up to lunch, even 5 minutes late, is our best at that moment. God showers us all with grace on a daily basis, sometimes I feel that he sprinkles a little extra on us moms when we need it most:)
Tina says
I love you, Kristen! I love who you are!
Mary says
Oh, Kristen…it is obvious from the comments that you are not the only one that give herself F’s! But thankfully, the Father wipes out the F’s and replaces them with love. This is such a timely post for me…thank you for being so transparent.
Kristen says
The Father wipes out the F’s and replaces them with love…thanks for this reminder, Mary. Love you!
Lalaine Basa says
Wow! This REALLY resonated with me.Thank you for being real.This is the one thought that seem to cling on me today-that I failed-in self-control,in time management,in being patient with the kids…on and on!Thanks for the reminder that the enemy wants to capitalize on my weakness and shove me down…while GOD LIFTS me UP and raises me again and again.Thankful for His grace and thankful for your writing!
Dawn @ My Home Sweet Home says
Kristen, I just love this and I love you, too.
Bonnie Jean says
Kristen, I think February was an F month for me after four months of suffering from achilles tendon surgery and then a horrific bacterial infection lasting three months from contaminated water during Sandy… I was just empty during the past month. I hope that in March I will remember that God does wipe the slate clean and His mercies are new every morning. Why is it that we are so hard on ourselves and forget that we can turn to Jesus for strength to deal with even those mundane tasks and for support and encouragement when we feel as if we are failing ? Why do we wait so long to fall into His loving arms ?
Laurie says
Oh, “those” days…….I’ve been having quite a few F days lately. Thank you for the reminder that those are perfect days for Satan to wield his agenda in me.
Through God I am worthy. Through Him I am pulled out of those failed moments.