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One Way to Expand Your Sense of Belonging Today

in Back Roads to Belonging· Belonging· Uncategorized· Words

There’s a particular Starbucks I frequent, one that sits across the street from the courts where my daughter, Faith, has tennis practice. While Faith works on her tennis game, you can often find me working on my writing game at one of their outdoor tables under an umbrella. I’m there a lot this summer.

One day, after ordering my typical iced chai latte (light ice with an extra pump of chai), I listened for the barista to call my name before walking up to the counter and grabbing my drink. After taking a sip, I lifted my cup of deliciousness and gestured to the barista saying, “Thanks so much!” before turning to leave.

And that’s when the barista stopped me.

“Wait, can I tell you something?” she asked, a shy smile on her face.

“Of course!” I responded, wondering what was coming.

She put a lid on the blender jar she was holding and said, “I want you to know how much I appreciate how kind you are to me when you come in here. You always smile and say thank you, and that means a lot. Yesterday, I had a terrible interaction with another customer, and I felt awful about it. But then you came in, and your kind words turned my day right around.”

Her words were so tender that I almost teared up right then and there.

I told her how much I appreciated her telling me that and that she does her job very well. We said goodbye to one another, and we both went on with our day.

Still, I couldn’t stop thinking of our short conversation — especially this part: “Your kind words turned my day right around.”

Kind words can surely do that, can’t they?

Unkind words, whether said from a place of entitlement or just plain ugliness, can surely do the same and turn a day around for the worse. Heaven knows I’m guilty of dragging someone that direction, too, and I’m not proud of it.

After writing a new book about belonging and finding our place and our people, you bet this interaction makes me think how very easy it is to bring another in through words that strengthen souls. It really couldn’t be simpler to turn someone’s day around than by saying, Thank you! or Great job! or You’re amazing! It couldn’t be simpler to welcome another in by seeing and naming what she does well in her job, her cooking, her advocating, or her parenting.

But here is the surprising thing that happens in all this: By doing something to help another know she belongs, you expand your own sense of belonging, too. 

Bringing creates belonging — for them and for us. This may be one reason Proverbs offers this encouragement:

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.
Proverbs 11:25 (ESV)

Those who water others will have their own sense of belonging watered.

I’ve heard it said before that you get out of community what you put into it. I think there is certainly truth to this, but what this doesn’t take into account is that when you’re new to a group or at the beginning of a friendship, it will often feel like you’re putting more into it than you get out of it. As the farmer must put long, faithful work into preparing the fields well before the harvest, so we must do the same for our own harvest of community. It takes time and effort to find your place and your people.

That time and effort is often comprised of a million minimal effort tasks, like saying, “Thank you so much for my almond milk chai latte with an extra pump of chai.” It begins with small gestures done with great kindness.

There are as many ways to bring others in as there are stars in the heavens. We can offer gestures big and small to help people across oceans, people at this country’s borders, and people within our own towns.

We can also offer the gift of kind words to those who cross our paths today, loved ones and strangers alike.

Continue reading this post here at my second online home.

Back Roads to Belonging is out and about now! Find it at B&N, Amazon, or another one of your favorite online retailer. Read more about the book and find a list of retailers here.

**Some links used in this post are affiliate links.**

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Filed Under: Back Roads to Belonging, Belonging, Uncategorized, Words

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Hey there, dearheart! I’m Kristen, and welcome t Hey there, dearheart! I’m Kristen, and welcome to my little corner of the world here in the Colorado woods outside Colorado Springs. 

I wondered if you’d want to go inside, pull up a chair ‘round the fire, and hang out a bit? 

If you’re newer, here's a little about me: 

I like: 
▫️Country and classical music. 
▫️Most hot teas and cocktails with bourbon. 
▫️The beach and the mountains. (Why must we pick one over the other?) 

I don’t like: 
▫️Muffins (They’re just sad cupcakes with no frosting.) 
▫️Long winters (God shows His sense of humor by placing me in CO!) 
▫️Cruises (In spite of being told otherwise, I did, indeed, feel the ship moving.🥴) 

👏🏻I’m a mighty fine encourager, and if you do/say/wear something I genuinely love, I’ll let you know it and/or tell others about it. 

🙁I sometimes let fear dictate what I do or don’t do, and that’s exacerbated by my bossy inner critic. 

🙅‍♀️I don’t like mean people. BUT I can be awfully sarcastic, and sarcasm is often just mean in cuter clothing. 

😢A friend and I talked recently about how raising teens and big kids has us tender to the touch, often with tears just below the surface. 

💙Speaking of kids, I’m mama to three hilarious, hard working, and big hearted kiddos—twin sons and a daughter—whom I adore. 

❤️I’m wife to a USAF veteran, David, (raising my Polish pottery mug of hot tea to the military spouses here!), who’s also an all around amazing, amazing fella. 

📚I wrote two books called #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging. I love to help folks see their change and lack of belonging it often brings in a more hopeful light—because difficult change is never the end of things. God’s grace and goodness are. 

☕Thank you for being here—I’m passing you a virtual cuppa your favorite hot beverage and a cupcake (sorry, no muffins). 

💬This is more than enough about me. Tell me something about you! 

📷 Photo by the gorgeous and gorgeously talented Jen Lints of @jenlintsphotography. 

#FridayIntroductions
The sun sets on a downright delightful month of ha The sun sets on a downright delightful month of having all the chicks back in the nest. We puzzled, Uno’d, and played a new game called Knope for President. (So fun!) We watched Mandalorian all together, and David and I started a Netflix show called Turn. We had tea (and coffee!) at 4:30 each afternoon like some kind of Brit wanna-be’s. I cooked like a crazy person because cooking is the most predictable Enneagram 2 thing I do. Pot roast, spaghetti, and baked casseroles, oh my! Plus, 21 year olds who’ve had a semester of fending for themselves on the food front are mighty appreciative when dinner magically comes out of the oven. 

Said 21 year olds are back at college now, but I’m thankful for the good memories that stay with the rest of us Strongs after they’ve left. This last month held hard stuff for many of us, I know, but I hope it left you with some good memories as well. 💛
If your life looks anything like mine, difficult c If your life looks anything like mine, difficult change that started in 2020 didn't give one whit about the new year and walked right with you into 2021. Your change could be more broadly felt like fallout from a lingering pandemic, or it could be more individual —marital, parenting, job, or relational struggles that refuse to let go. 

Or  it could be both, one worsening the other.

If you’re weary from the loneliness that change can bring OR tired of resenting change altogether (and seeing it only through a lens of anxiety and frustration), consider giving #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging a look.

Our difficult change may not be going anywhere, but our outlook on it can. 

With both books holding 200-ish reviews on Amazon and a 4.8 star rating, I still get the loveliest messages about how they’ve helped folks welcome a hopeful view of change and where they belong. 

Visit my profile for links to both! 
#fromthebookstack
#whereIbelong
#changemanagement
#anxietyreducer
#fearmanagement
#livingfaithfully
My daughter read that this past Christmas season, My daughter read that this past Christmas season, Christmas light sales were up 300% compared to years past. We may leave ours up for another week or two, and I’m 300% okay with that. 

In the wise words of @iamtabithabrown, it’s my business. 

It’s also my business how I choose to respond to something—indeed, it is a choice. Will I be thoughtful or defensive? Will I be someone who displays or douses the light of Christ? 

In our work to love our neighbor as ourselves, may we be a people who persevere and refuse to stop using our own unique God-given light to dispel the dark. People are desperate for it, and this work matters.
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