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Let’s Have a Porch Chat (about Unfollows)

in Back Roads to Belonging· Porch Chat· Social Media

This is a post based on an instagram story I gave concerning unfollows on social media. If you'd like to watch this porch chat on instagram, just visit the saved stories on my Instagram profile page and tap the circle titled "unfollows." Watch other #porchchatswithkristen on instagram, too. 

So, I did something recently against my better judgement.

There is this gal I first met through writing circles whom I really like. I’ve met her in real life a couple of times, but she’s more acquaintance than friend, really. Regarding her family and business, she truly does a phenomenal job running her lane, and I’ve learned a lot from her.

For whatever reason, one day it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen this friend show up in my social media feed for a while. So, I did a “spot check” on instagram to see if she’d unfollowed me. And guess what? She had.

Deep sigh. 

To state the obvious, yes–I shouldn’t have checked, I shouldn’t have checked, I SHOULD NOT HAVE CHECKED to see if she still followed me or not. But check I did, and for the next few days, I stewed in a swirl of questions about the whole shebang.

Why did she unfollow me?
What does she not like about me?
What do I need to change about myself?
What is wrong with me?

It spiraled into a terrible tornado of why’s, and I needed to get myself out of it pronto. That’s when I re-remembered a truth that helped me step out of the Crazyville cycle of questions while also taking the focus off my big, important self. 

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Each of us have limited bandwidth within our days, weeks, and lives, and each of us gets to be the boss of what we invest our time in. This undoubtedly includes who we get to see in our social media. As a result, if I have been unfollowed, that simply means I’m outside that person’s bandwidth. 

Ultimately, my presence in that way is outside that person’s best interest. 

That isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with me at all. It is to say that because of that limited bandwidth, then we must each give our attention and time to whom the Lord tells us is most important. And that might not include us. 

Now, taking this in means we have to sometimes tell that sneaky, what-about-me pride to just have a seat. Stand down, pride. You and I will both be just fine. We must know it’s going to be okay if that person doesn’t follow us. We can still ask God to bless her as she moves forward in God’s best for her, and if that doesn’t include you or me, then that’s okay.

Rejection on any level is never fun, not in the least. But as my friend Salena says, rejection is sometimes God’s protection against what’s not in our best interest. And this certainly applies to our online and real-life endeavors of finding where and with whom we belong.

In short, how about you and I release ourselves from the pressure of putting time and energy into those people and places that aren’t in God’s plans for us? How about you and I bless those whose circles we don’t travel within as they move forward in God’s best for them? We can move on in freedom, and we can give others the freedom to move on, too.

Here’s to walking forward in that freedom, and knowing we belong where we are, as we are. 

For more thoughts on belonging, check out my newly released book, Back Roads to Belonging, found anywhere books are sold, including Amazon and B&N. (Some links are affiliate links.)


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Filed Under: Back Roads to Belonging, Porch Chat, Social Media

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Hey there, dearheart! I’m Kristen, and welcome t Hey there, dearheart! I’m Kristen, and welcome to my little corner of the world here in the Colorado woods outside Colorado Springs. 

I wondered if you’d want to go inside, pull up a chair ‘round the fire, and hang out a bit? 

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I like: 
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▫️The beach and the mountains. (Why must we pick one over the other?) 

I don’t like: 
▫️Muffins (They’re just sad cupcakes with no frosting.) 
▫️Long winters (God shows His sense of humor by placing me in CO!) 
▫️Cruises (In spite of being told otherwise, I did, indeed, feel the ship moving.🥴) 

👏🏻I’m a mighty fine encourager, and if you do/say/wear something I genuinely love, I’ll let you know it and/or tell others about it. 

🙁I sometimes let fear dictate what I do or don’t do, and that’s exacerbated by my bossy inner critic. 

🙅‍♀️I don’t like mean people. BUT I can be awfully sarcastic, and sarcasm is often just mean in cuter clothing. 

😢A friend and I talked recently about how raising teens and big kids has us tender to the touch, often with tears just below the surface. 

💙Speaking of kids, I’m mama to three hilarious, hard working, and big hearted kiddos—twin sons and a daughter—whom I adore. 

❤️I’m wife to a USAF veteran, David, (raising my Polish pottery mug of hot tea to the military spouses here!), who’s also an all around amazing, amazing fella. 

📚I wrote two books called #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging. I love to help folks see their change and lack of belonging it often brings in a more hopeful light—because difficult change is never the end of things. God’s grace and goodness are. 

☕Thank you for being here—I’m passing you a virtual cuppa your favorite hot beverage and a cupcake (sorry, no muffins). 

💬This is more than enough about me. Tell me something about you! 

📷 Photo by the gorgeous and gorgeously talented Jen Lints of @jenlintsphotography. 

#FridayIntroductions
The sun sets on a downright delightful month of ha The sun sets on a downright delightful month of having all the chicks back in the nest. We puzzled, Uno’d, and played a new game called Knope for President. (So fun!) We watched Mandalorian all together, and David and I started a Netflix show called Turn. We had tea (and coffee!) at 4:30 each afternoon like some kind of Brit wanna-be’s. I cooked like a crazy person because cooking is the most predictable Enneagram 2 thing I do. Pot roast, spaghetti, and baked casseroles, oh my! Plus, 21 year olds who’ve had a semester of fending for themselves on the food front are mighty appreciative when dinner magically comes out of the oven. 

Said 21 year olds are back at college now, but I’m thankful for the good memories that stay with the rest of us Strongs after they’ve left. This last month held hard stuff for many of us, I know, but I hope it left you with some good memories as well. 💛
If your life looks anything like mine, difficult c If your life looks anything like mine, difficult change that started in 2020 didn't give one whit about the new year and walked right with you into 2021. Your change could be more broadly felt like fallout from a lingering pandemic, or it could be more individual —marital, parenting, job, or relational struggles that refuse to let go. 

Or  it could be both, one worsening the other.

If you’re weary from the loneliness that change can bring OR tired of resenting change altogether (and seeing it only through a lens of anxiety and frustration), consider giving #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging a look.

Our difficult change may not be going anywhere, but our outlook on it can. 

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My daughter read that this past Christmas season, My daughter read that this past Christmas season, Christmas light sales were up 300% compared to years past. We may leave ours up for another week or two, and I’m 300% okay with that. 

In the wise words of @iamtabithabrown, it’s my business. 

It’s also my business how I choose to respond to something—indeed, it is a choice. Will I be thoughtful or defensive? Will I be someone who displays or douses the light of Christ? 

In our work to love our neighbor as ourselves, may we be a people who persevere and refuse to stop using our own unique God-given light to dispel the dark. People are desperate for it, and this work matters.
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