It’s 5:30 am, and I’m packing last minute before taking a jet plane to North Carolina. She comes in rubbing her eyes, finds me putting on make-up and clamps her skinny arms around my {not so skinny} waist.
“Why don’t you just stay here. Please, Mama?” she says between yawns.
Oh, but she doesn’t know how close I am to just staying here, to not venturing out to this conference. I’m scared stiff to show my words to people so they can rip them apart before putting them {and me} back together again. Yes, I know that’s dramatic. But in my head, that’s what I picture.
Sometimes fear gets all cozy with my feelings and they both snuggle up close in my mind til I believe whatever they throw up on me is truth. They join forces to become one big, big bully who wants to kick me down and steal my joy. It’s an ugly version of Simon from American Idol who read my words, looks up in self righteous disgust and says, “*That* was ab-solutely awful.”
But this spirit of fear does not come from God. Why do I act like it’s god?
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
The Lord says, “I am your God” and He doesn’t give us a spirit of fear. I say this over and over, the Truth outloud. I get a little prespective. I tell myself, “Kristen, this is a Christian conference. So HELLO? No one is going to eat you alive. And HELLO? Any criticism you get will be constructive, more like Randy’s. Or maybe Paula if they like my outfit.”
And HELLO? I am precious and loved and matter more than this.
If fears loom large in your life right now, may you know they are not of God. May you rest knowing He holds you in the palm of His hand as He strengthens and provides for you, as He upholds and cares for you.
And HELLO? That’s some fact, not fiction.
Oh my friend! I wish I was there with you … just to hug you and remind you that your words are as beautiful as your heart and so important. Can’t wait to hear all about it!! xoxo
Thank you, Teri Lynne! I’ve thought about you so often here…maybe we can have another phone chat?
I love your “words”, and I know other’s will too! You inspire me constantly! Whatever it is, wherever you are going, remember you are not going alone! You’ll do great!
Beth, your reminder is a gift. Thank you!
So, you did it. 🙂 With much grace and confidence. I’m so thankful I met you, and not just because you helped provide me with a great airport story. 🙂
ps – Were you at Residence Inn? Because your room looks identical to mine!
Oh girl…seeing you in person was a highlight of the entire weekend! You radiate JOY and talking with you was like talking with an old friend! 🙂
And YES! That *was* the Residence Inn!
Oh I know that fear that masquerades as fact. Thank my Heavenly Father that His power ALWAYS uncovers the Truth and that His Fact Graces my life! Blessings as you continue to sort out all that GOING to SheSpeaks means for your life!