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When You Want to Belong, Try This

in (In)Courage· Belonging

photo courtesy of (in)courage

I can still remember the exciting summer of ’91 before my senior year of high school, when educator Marva Collins came to my Oklahoma hometown. While I hadn’t heard of Marva Collins before that time, I learned she was a big deal in the education field who’d been featured in Time, Life, and Newsweek magazines. Ms. Collins and her good work had also been highlighted on the television show 60 Minutes.

I’ve thought a lot about Ms. Collins this week. In reading about her history, I learned that after becoming disenchanted with public and private schools in the Chicago area where she lived, she started her own school: Westside Preparatory. At the end of that school’s first year, every student enrolled scored at least five grades higher on standardized tests. As Ms. Collins garnered national attention (including that of President Reagan, who offered her the post of Secretary of Education), she went on to supervise schools on academic probation inside and outside of Chicago. She helped improve school ratings as well as train over 100,000 teachers and administrators in her teaching methodology.

It was this work of Ms. Collins—training fellow educators—that brought her to my hometown in northern Oklahoma, where she taught a two-week class to elementary students. Through a random drawing at my dad’s work, my younger sister was chosen to participate in that class. My sister and fellow classmates, who represented a range of ethnicities and learning abilities,  proceeded to study Latin derivatives, memorize poetry, and study William Shakespeare. They learned to count in eight languages. They learned the Greek alphabet. They learned songs that affirmed all they brought to the world. Yours truly here can still sing every word to the song, “I am a Promise” that Ms. Collins taught her students.

“I am a promise, I am a possibility. I am a Promise, with a capital P…”

Those kids learned so much within those two weeks that even my self-absorbed, seventeen-year-old self was slack-jawed by it all.

How did Ms. Collins’s students’ progress as they did? One reason is because she believed all children were capable of success. Ms. Collins believed, “There was a brilliant child locked inside every student.” If a child struggled, Ms. Collins put the onus on herself. She stated, “I don’t make excuses — I take responsibility. If children fail, it’s about me, not them.”

I write a lot about belonging, and one of my biggest lessons learned to date is that in securing my own sense of belonging, it helps to think of myself as a Belong-Maker. I saw Ms. Collins’ life as an example of a Belong-Maker — before I had the words to express it. Like Jesus, the original Belong-Maker, Ms. Collins gave kids the gift of being seen.

She brought all children — regardless of race, economic or social status — into the circle of potential like few before her. She had a heart for them, and her actions sprang from that heart — His heart.

Ms. Collins not only brought all kids in to a standard of excellence; she helped remove stumbling blocks that prevented some kids from internalizing this standard for themselves. Ms. Collins had grown up in the South during the time of segregation, but she made sure kids knew excellence wasn’t just attainable for a few cherry-picked folks. It was a habit that anyone could adhere to — and grow towards. Also, Ms. Collins believed that building a child up from the inside out was essential to his or her success in school — and in life.

As a Belong-Maker, holding a spot open for someone — you! — comes very naturally to me. God gave me a welcoming spirit that loves to bring others in. But what doesn’t come so naturally to me is paying attention to obstacles that might prevent someone from moving toward the circle in the first place.

I’m working on not only being a Belong-Maker but an Obstacle-Remover too.

Right now, that looks like speaking up — like pointing an arrow to the injustices our Black brothers and sisters have faced for much too long.

That looks like listening up — so others voices can be heard.

That looks like praying for the Lord to expose the biases within my own heart — so His heart can be exposed.

That looks like hard conversations with those in my circles — so all can better understand what needs to change to fully welcome others in.

More than any other person who walked the Earth, Jesus was a Belong-Maker who gave others the gift of being seen.

Read the rest here?

{Read more about becoming a Belong-Maker in my book, Back Roads to Belonging.}

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Filed Under: (In)Courage, Belonging

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Hey there, dearheart! I’m Kristen, and welcome t Hey there, dearheart! I’m Kristen, and welcome to my little corner of the world here in the Colorado woods outside Colorado Springs. 

I wondered if you’d want to go inside, pull up a chair ‘round the fire, and hang out a bit? 

If you’re newer, here's a little about me: 

I like: 
▫️Country and classical music. 
▫️Most hot teas and cocktails with bourbon. 
▫️The beach and the mountains. (Why must we pick one over the other?) 

I don’t like: 
▫️Muffins (They’re just sad cupcakes with no frosting.) 
▫️Long winters (God shows His sense of humor by placing me in CO!) 
▫️Cruises (In spite of being told otherwise, I did, indeed, feel the ship moving.🥴) 

👏🏻I’m a mighty fine encourager, and if you do/say/wear something I genuinely love, I’ll let you know it and/or tell others about it. 

🙁I sometimes let fear dictate what I do or don’t do, and that’s exacerbated by my bossy inner critic. 

🙅‍♀️I don’t like mean people. BUT I can be awfully sarcastic, and sarcasm is often just mean in cuter clothing. 

😢A friend and I talked recently about how raising teens and big kids has us tender to the touch, often with tears just below the surface. 

💙Speaking of kids, I’m mama to three hilarious, hard working, and big hearted kiddos—twin sons and a daughter—whom I adore. 

❤️I’m wife to a USAF veteran, David, (raising my Polish pottery mug of hot tea to the military spouses here!), who’s also an all around amazing, amazing fella. 

📚I wrote two books called #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging. I love to help folks see their change and lack of belonging it often brings in a more hopeful light—because difficult change is never the end of things. God’s grace and goodness are. 

☕Thank you for being here—I’m passing you a virtual cuppa your favorite hot beverage and a cupcake (sorry, no muffins). 

💬This is more than enough about me. Tell me something about you! 

📷 Photo by the gorgeous and gorgeously talented Jen Lints of @jenlintsphotography. 

#FridayIntroductions
The sun sets on a downright delightful month of ha The sun sets on a downright delightful month of having all the chicks back in the nest. We puzzled, Uno’d, and played a new game called Knope for President. (So fun!) We watched Mandalorian all together, and David and I started a Netflix show called Turn. We had tea (and coffee!) at 4:30 each afternoon like some kind of Brit wanna-be’s. I cooked like a crazy person because cooking is the most predictable Enneagram 2 thing I do. Pot roast, spaghetti, and baked casseroles, oh my! Plus, 21 year olds who’ve had a semester of fending for themselves on the food front are mighty appreciative when dinner magically comes out of the oven. 

Said 21 year olds are back at college now, but I’m thankful for the good memories that stay with the rest of us Strongs after they’ve left. This last month held hard stuff for many of us, I know, but I hope it left you with some good memories as well. 💛
If your life looks anything like mine, difficult c If your life looks anything like mine, difficult change that started in 2020 didn't give one whit about the new year and walked right with you into 2021. Your change could be more broadly felt like fallout from a lingering pandemic, or it could be more individual —marital, parenting, job, or relational struggles that refuse to let go. 

Or  it could be both, one worsening the other.

If you’re weary from the loneliness that change can bring OR tired of resenting change altogether (and seeing it only through a lens of anxiety and frustration), consider giving #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging a look.

Our difficult change may not be going anywhere, but our outlook on it can. 

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Visit my profile for links to both! 
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My daughter read that this past Christmas season, My daughter read that this past Christmas season, Christmas light sales were up 300% compared to years past. We may leave ours up for another week or two, and I’m 300% okay with that. 

In the wise words of @iamtabithabrown, it’s my business. 

It’s also my business how I choose to respond to something—indeed, it is a choice. Will I be thoughtful or defensive? Will I be someone who displays or douses the light of Christ? 

In our work to love our neighbor as ourselves, may we be a people who persevere and refuse to stop using our own unique God-given light to dispel the dark. People are desperate for it, and this work matters.
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