Chasing Blue Skies

encouragement for every season of life

  • Home
  • Kristen
  • Blog
  • Books
    • Back Roads to Belonging
    • Girl Meets Change
    • Serving You (for military wives)
  • Subscribe
  • Instagram
  • Archives
  • Free
    • for everyone
    • for military spouses
  • Contact

When Awkward Leads to Awesome: The Gift of Difficult Conversations

in (In)Courage· Belonging· Friendship

I run around our dining-living-kitchen room like I do before company comes over, making sure there isn’t too much dog hair on the sofa or too little water in the garage sale pitcher with sunflowers. I peek into the oven and see the peach crisp is finished baking. I turn off the oven, but I leave the dessert inside.

I don’t want to serve lukewarm peach crisp after dinner. And like any self-respecting Enneagram two, I don’t want to serve lukewarm hospitality either.

As I assemble the simple, six-ingredient salad (arugula, parmesan, salt and pepper with a splash of olive oil and lemon juice), our friends, Salena and Sheldon, walk up the front steps. David opens the door for them, and Salena hands me white and yellow daisies, sunshine wrapped in petals and stems.

Salena herself is sunshine wrapped in dark-hued skin.

David serves up drinks before we pray, and then we serve ourselves arugula salad, sourdough bread, and Bolognese sauceand pasta (or as I like to call it, fancy spaghetti).

It isn’t fancy, but it is tasty.

We sit ‘round our table with the three Strong kids, and as is the case with us, we’re barely into dinner before the conversation turns to Serious Current Events. That kicks off three hours of conversation that deep dives into the middle of so many relevant questions:

What’s the best way to move forward through COVID?

How do we reconcile the issues we care about with the conduct of those holding power?

Why is empathy so hard to come by these days?

While we’ve known each other for over five years now, this conversation is similar to the first one Salena and I had back in 2015.

At that time, while speaking at a function for US Army and Air Force spouses in Colorado Springs, I noticed (and appreciated!) Salena’s kind, positive engagement with my talk on change. After I finished yammering and people were milling about, I introduced myself to her and was immediately put at ease with her effervescent personality. We did the small-talk thing for a little while, and then I basically cannon-balled into the conversational pool by asking her a question that set the tone for our relationship today. At that time, our country’s national headlines focused on altercations between police officers and young black men, much like today. Of course, I had my own thoughts on the subject, but I knew my own perspective couldn’t be the beginning and end of the conversation. Since Salena is a Black woman, I really wanted to know her perspective.

Twisting my hands, I asked, “Salena, I have a personal question for you, and if you’re not comfortable answering, then I totally understand.”

She told me to go right ahead.

“Could you help me understand what’s going on concerning the headlines and the racial division in our country?” Salena answered frankly within the context of her story, both her history and her present life. For two hours, we talked about that, our shared history as military spouses, and about raising sons.

While I have other Black friends I’ve known longer, Salena was the first person I felt compelled to “go there” with — to cross the awkward bridge toward a potentially thorny conversation. We didn’t solve any big issues that night, but after listening to her, I moved closer to understanding the bigger picture of why things are the way they are.

The driving force behind all our subsequent conversations has been the same: to peel back yet another layer of our stories as we listen to one another. We talk about uncomfortable subjects, but it’s not uncomfortable to do so because we each come to the conversation with the goal of understanding the other’s perspective — not airing our own Big Important Opinions.

These days, I’m working on humbly listening more and talking less — period. Salena and Sheldon continue to be gracious friends whom God uses to expose blind spots in the hearts of my family and me.

Back at our house around the decades-old, walnut-wood table, I pass out bowls of maple peach crisp with whipped cream to each person. As Salena takes hers, she drops a good word about conversations in general: “It seems that sometimes, the church is building platforms when they should be building tables.”

We all nod, and I tell her I would be writing that one down. YES to tables over platforms.

YES to talking with rather than talking at.

Finish this post at my other writing home, (in)courage.

Sharing is caring!

0shares
  • Share
  • Tweet

Related

Share9
Tweet
Pin
9 Shares

Filed Under: (In)Courage, Belonging, Friendship

« When You Want to Belong, Try This
Get Back Roads to Belonging for $1.99! »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

On Instagram

Hey there, dearheart! I’m Kristen, and welcome t Hey there, dearheart! I’m Kristen, and welcome to my little corner of the world here in the Colorado woods outside Colorado Springs. 

I wondered if you’d want to go inside, pull up a chair ‘round the fire, and hang out a bit? 

If you’re newer, here's a little about me: 

I like: 
▫️Country and classical music. 
▫️Most hot teas and cocktails with bourbon. 
▫️The beach and the mountains. (Why must we pick one over the other?) 

I don’t like: 
▫️Muffins (They’re just sad cupcakes with no frosting.) 
▫️Long winters (God shows His sense of humor by placing me in CO!) 
▫️Cruises (In spite of being told otherwise, I did, indeed, feel the ship moving.🥴) 

👏🏻I’m a mighty fine encourager, and if you do/say/wear something I genuinely love, I’ll let you know it and/or tell others about it. 

🙁I sometimes let fear dictate what I do or don’t do, and that’s exacerbated by my bossy inner critic. 

🙅‍♀️I don’t like mean people. BUT I can be awfully sarcastic, and sarcasm is often just mean in cuter clothing. 

😢A friend and I talked recently about how raising teens and big kids has us tender to the touch, often with tears just below the surface. 

💙Speaking of kids, I’m mama to three hilarious, hard working, and big hearted kiddos—twin sons and a daughter—whom I adore. 

❤️I’m wife to a USAF veteran, David, (raising my Polish pottery mug of hot tea to the military spouses here!), who’s also an all around amazing, amazing fella. 

📚I wrote two books called #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging. I love to help folks see their change and lack of belonging it often brings in a more hopeful light—because difficult change is never the end of things. God’s grace and goodness are. 

☕Thank you for being here—I’m passing you a virtual cuppa your favorite hot beverage and a cupcake (sorry, no muffins). 

💬This is more than enough about me. Tell me something about you! 

📷 Photo by the gorgeous and gorgeously talented Jen Lints of @jenlintsphotography. 

#FridayIntroductions
The sun sets on a downright delightful month of ha The sun sets on a downright delightful month of having all the chicks back in the nest. We puzzled, Uno’d, and played a new game called Knope for President. (So fun!) We watched Mandalorian all together, and David and I started a Netflix show called Turn. We had tea (and coffee!) at 4:30 each afternoon like some kind of Brit wanna-be’s. I cooked like a crazy person because cooking is the most predictable Enneagram 2 thing I do. Pot roast, spaghetti, and baked casseroles, oh my! Plus, 21 year olds who’ve had a semester of fending for themselves on the food front are mighty appreciative when dinner magically comes out of the oven. 

Said 21 year olds are back at college now, but I’m thankful for the good memories that stay with the rest of us Strongs after they’ve left. This last month held hard stuff for many of us, I know, but I hope it left you with some good memories as well. 💛
If your life looks anything like mine, difficult c If your life looks anything like mine, difficult change that started in 2020 didn't give one whit about the new year and walked right with you into 2021. Your change could be more broadly felt like fallout from a lingering pandemic, or it could be more individual —marital, parenting, job, or relational struggles that refuse to let go. 

Or  it could be both, one worsening the other.

If you’re weary from the loneliness that change can bring OR tired of resenting change altogether (and seeing it only through a lens of anxiety and frustration), consider giving #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging a look.

Our difficult change may not be going anywhere, but our outlook on it can. 

With both books holding 200-ish reviews on Amazon and a 4.8 star rating, I still get the loveliest messages about how they’ve helped folks welcome a hopeful view of change and where they belong. 

Visit my profile for links to both! 
#fromthebookstack
#whereIbelong
#changemanagement
#anxietyreducer
#fearmanagement
#livingfaithfully
My daughter read that this past Christmas season, My daughter read that this past Christmas season, Christmas light sales were up 300% compared to years past. We may leave ours up for another week or two, and I’m 300% okay with that. 

In the wise words of @iamtabithabrown, it’s my business. 

It’s also my business how I choose to respond to something—indeed, it is a choice. Will I be thoughtful or defensive? Will I be someone who displays or douses the light of Christ? 

In our work to love our neighbor as ourselves, may we be a people who persevere and refuse to stop using our own unique God-given light to dispel the dark. People are desperate for it, and this work matters.
Follow on Instagram
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2021 Kristen Strong · Site by Design by Insight · Chasing Blue Skies Logo by Aliza Latta