Over three weeks now she shoots up from a dead sleep all panicked, convinced her legs are running away. So we go through this routine where I sing “Amazing Grace,” “It Is Well with My Soul,” and “I Am Jesus Little Lamb.” Tonight it happens again, so I close my eyes while singing, making the words a prayer while rubbing her legs. I finish the third song with the last line of the second verse, “When I thirst He bids me go, where the quiet waters flow.” She drinks in the words and calms considerably. She still needs a distraction, so I open the laptop and find Say Yes to the Dress. Nine times out of ten, a parade of pretty wedding dresses will draw her attention away from the restless legs.
The doctor says this could all be night terrors triggered from her hospital stay, and the episodes should subside with time. So for now, we maintain this routine of massaging, singing, watching, and putting her back to bed. Next night: repeat.
Last week, Sarah wrote of building an altar in her daughter’s bedroom, and that sums up what I feel every time I go through this relentless nightly routine. Oh sure, I wish Faith could sleep straight through the night and not wake up terrified. I wish her legs didn’t feel rigid and like they were “running away.” I’m tired, cranky, and long for normal quiet bedtimes. But while I lay with her in bed, I see an altar amidst the activity. In comforting my daughter, I bow down and talk to the Lord. On her white sleigh bed, we find a sacred place to meet Him. In a seemingly mundane place, His eyes still watch over me for my good. And in that promise I find our own little promise land.
I hear confirmation whispered in my ear when Faith thanks me and tells me she loves me, that I’m the best mama ever for staying with her. God tells me I’m the best mama ever for her, that I was handpicked for her.
He sees the good you do for those in your home, for those you were handpicked to care for and watch over. In our laundry rooms, kitchens, and little white sleigh beds we know He sees our good. We move through the routines and worship.