Over three weeks now she shoots up from a dead sleep all panicked, convinced her legs are running away. So we go through this routine where I sing “Amazing Grace,” “It Is Well with My Soul,” and “I Am Jesus Little Lamb.” Tonight it happens again, so I close my eyes while singing, making the words a prayer while rubbing her legs. I finish the third song with the last line of the second verse, “When I thirst He bids me go, where the quiet waters flow.” She drinks in the words and calms considerably. She still needs a distraction, so I open the laptop and find Say Yes to the Dress. Nine times out of ten, a parade of pretty wedding dresses will draw her attention away from the restless legs.
The doctor says this could all be night terrors triggered from her hospital stay, and the episodes should subside with time. So for now, we maintain this routine of massaging, singing, watching, and putting her back to bed. Next night: repeat.
Last week, Sarah wrote of building an altar in her daughter’s bedroom, and that sums up what I feel every time I go through this relentless nightly routine. Oh sure, I wish Faith could sleep straight through the night and not wake up terrified. I wish her legs didn’t feel rigid and like they were “running away.” I’m tired, cranky, and long for normal quiet bedtimes. But while I lay with her in bed, I see an altar amidst the activity. In comforting my daughter, I bow down and talk to the Lord. On her white sleigh bed, we find a sacred place to meet Him. In a seemingly mundane place, His eyes still watch over me for my good. And in that promise I find our own little promise land.
I hear confirmation whispered in my ear when Faith thanks me and tells me she loves me, that I’m the best mama ever for staying with her. God tells me I’m the best mama ever for her, that I was handpicked for her.
He sees the good you do for those in your home, for those you were handpicked to care for and watch over. In our laundry rooms, kitchens, and little white sleigh beds we know He sees our good. We move through the routines and worship.
Amen.
Oh girl, you know you’ve got me tearing up at any mama-daughter post. To build an altar right there in the bedroom – I won’t soon forget that. Also? While you’re watching Say Yes to the Dress, our household is fixated on Top Shot – a reality show about marksmen. {grow up quick, Zoe, grow up!} 🙂
HA! Well, I would me remiss if I didn’t tell you we watch Top Shot, too! The hubs and the boys love, love, love it!! And actually? We girls find all those slow-mo shots super amazing. Ahh, the joys of having sons *and* daughters! Love you, sister-mama-friend,
I am laughing! I thought my household was the only one glued to Top Shot in the evenings. Our five-year-old daughter actually requests to watch it with her dad. Must be a bonding experience… or the influence of that pink BB gun he bought her for her birthday last week. Heaven help us!
What a great mama you are. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I hope the episodes subside soon.
I love the concept that I was handpicked to be the mother for my boys. It comforts and encourages me when the hard motherhood moments come. All the best to you and your daughter!
Thank you so much, Erica. Enjoy those sweet boys of yours!
Praying peace to surround. Knowing all too well what sleepless nights look like. Sending love from across miles and oceans.
Oh Michele, you know this better than most. *You* are a good, good mama, my friend. Much love to you and all your sweet babies…
Sending prayers, but such a heart warming post. Tears are flowing and although my kids are out of the house now – there rooms are still sweet alters and remembrances of the many hours I spent in them praying and crying out to God on their behalf. Thanks for sharing!
Love that, Alene. And thank you *so* much for your prayers, too. You BLESS.
This is just another one of those posts that make me want to give you a hug! LOVE your heart tugging posts about your relationship with Faith. She is so, so lucky to have you for a mom! You are most certainly inspiring, sweet Kristen!
Last night, for us, it was a scary dream that brought my daughter and her stuffed monkey to rest between us. There is a certain peace in soothing a young one’s storm, I can relate to that. Thank you for this post. I needed the reminder today that worship exists in our parenting routines. Blessings to you and yours, Kristen!
“There is a certain peace in soothing a young one’s storm.” ~ Love that, Becky.
Such a sweet reminder for us mommas! The sweetest times between me and the Lord were while I was up nursing my babies back to sleep. And though they are only 4 and 7 now, I miss those times. I have to remind myself to “build an altar” and cherish these moments like bedtime routine when I am done from the day and ready to sleep myself! Thanks for the reminder! And I hope your sweet girl moves past these nighttime awakenings very soon.
I needed to read this and will need to re-read this! My sweet baby (# 6!) has decided to get up 4-5 times every night for the past 6 weeks. I am so exhausted and emotionally worn thin from all the sleeplessness and nursing. I need the grace and perspective!
Oh Kirsten girl – this post is so real and honest and chocked full of mama heart. You know, those nights we spend on our knees begging God for peace so our littles can rest, those are the ones that make us stronger I think. And there we are, on our knees. Stronger than we we ever were.
I have spent those nights, hunched low over my girls. All of them in one way have gone through those terrors. And only prayer. Only prayer on my knees in the late night made a difference.
Some battles can only be won there.
Anyhow – hugs friend.
“He sees the good you do for those in your home, for those you were handpicked to care for and watch over. In our laundry rooms, kitchens, and little white sleigh beds we know He sees our good. We move through the routines and worship.”
Thank you Kristen for sharing your life. This post was so inspirational. As a mom of 2, I get caught up with schedules. I am always trying to plan my sleep, eat, and breathe routine. Yet, God often reminds me in those middle of the night experiences, albeit exhausting are very comforting and rewarding.
Also, as a professional educator, I find myself so busy “teaching” that I forget that God hand picked me to be the teacher for my students, and their “mamas” during the school day. Thanks again for inspiring me today!
God bless girlfriend!!