I had two freshly minted five year olds and a one year old when we moved from an active, treasured community to a new home in a new state. I missed my friends, but I knew I’d make new, local ones. I assumed it wouldn’t take long.
I assumed wrong.
It took months. And months and months. And even then, it took more time. I was *this* close to making a sign reading “Desperate woman seeks friends!” I missed close-by gal pals somethin’ fierce.
I read the comments to my previous post and to this one, and I know many of you miss the same thing. Reading Lysa’s words at (in)courage yesterday reminded me of the only thing I could do during that friendship dry spell: Read God’s Word and pray.
And as I did, this is what I learned:
“I nearly missed it, missed seeing his goodness.
I was looking the other way, looking up at the people.” Psalms 73:2-3, the Message
And in that lonely season, God showed me I craved relationship with others above relationship with Him. Not pretty, but true nonetheless. I missed seeing all I had in Him because I was busy trying to find what I wanted in other people. So, I had to lose something good to gain something better.
If you find yourself wanting a few friends, may I encourage you to read God’s Word and pray? You may tell me, “News flash, Kristen. I’m already doing that!” I’ll tell you to keep on keeping on, remembering He wants your friendship anxieties because He cares for you. And if He wants to take those anxieties from you, it’s because He wants to give something better to you.
Tomorrow, I’ll share more words on building friendships. Join me then?
{Also, perhaps attending (or even hosting?) an (in)RL meet-up could bring friendships to your front door? Maybe check it out?}
{Care to connect with me via facebook? Just click here.}
Sharon @ Hiking Toward Home says
September 29, 2011 at 8:36 am🙂
Michele says
September 29, 2011 at 9:41 amWow I was just sharing with one of our missionaries how I did not have any close heart friends until well into university. Jesus *WAS* my only friend many times growing up. Kids are not often kind to those different to them and so I grew with a fierce independent streak. But now I have more friends, more family that I ever could have imagined five years ago. The forever kind of family. I am so grateful to Him, because when my roots were deep enough in Him and my gaze captured by Him and He became all I truly needed, everything else has been given too. Just so teary eyed grateful on a muddy thursday in South Sudan. And I am sure some kinda grateful to meet YOU! If you were living in COS when I lived there in 03-04 and I knew you, I am just sure we’d be coffee buddies 😉 Hugs from Africa!
Kristen says
September 29, 2011 at 2:51 pmI didn’t get to the Springs ’til last year, but you bet we woulda been coffee buddies! 🙂
Michele, I love the picture your words paint. Because you’re rooted deep in Christ, you flourish under His provision. Grace upon grace.
You bless to the moon and back, Michele. Lots of love from the Rockies to Sudan, Dear One!
Jane says
September 29, 2011 at 9:48 amThis is hitting me right where I am right now. I’ve been praying that God would bring some encouraging friends into my life. Until He does, I’m resting in knowing that He is enough. Reading words like these help too 🙂 Thank you!
Kristen says
September 29, 2011 at 2:33 pmOh Jane, our amazing God cares about your heart’s desires! Keep faithfully running to Him and seeing His provision. Praying for you now, sweet girl…
Lisa-Jo @thegypsymama says
September 29, 2011 at 9:55 amI love you for writing this. Thank you for the challenge and the comfort!
Kristen says
September 29, 2011 at 2:31 pmThank *you* for being the epitome of a true-blue friend. Love you!
Carley says
September 29, 2011 at 10:39 amI needed to read this! This is exactly where I’m at. Thank you!
Amy says
September 29, 2011 at 11:10 amSo challenging. I’m in that desert spell a bit myself, though I’m starting to make friends slowly (yay!). I seek God’s Word and pray, and I’ve been coming to the uncomfortable realization that I had gotten my priorities somewhat out of whack. And perhaps that’s why I needed the desert…
Kristen says
September 29, 2011 at 2:27 pmYes Amy! I *know* this, too, although I sometimes forget and must re-learn it again!
Bekka says
September 29, 2011 at 11:35 amLoving this. I’ve been absolutely wrecked by everything about Friendship this week… Totally need this as I prepare for a potential move (which we’re still waiting on word for)…
Kristen says
September 29, 2011 at 2:25 pmAww, girl. Don’t I know ’bout that. Lifting you up right now, Sister…
deborah says
September 29, 2011 at 3:46 pmIt is all too easy for me to do that-craving relationship with others above relationship with God. I want my relationship with God to be #1. I think I fail partly because it take time and effort just like any relationship and also because relationships with people feel more tangible. That “feel” gets me in trouble. I act on emotion instead of with head and heart!
Jamie @ Six Bricks High says
September 29, 2011 at 6:00 pmOh, sweet Kristen! I have been in that place – the place where I crave other relationships, other stuff more than I crave God. But when I’m there craving God more than anything, it is such a sweet place to be. Not always easy but good. I’m learning to surrender all and be completely dependent on Him. Your words encouraged my heart today.
Kristen says
September 29, 2011 at 6:09 pm“Not always easy but good.” *That* is a good word, my friend!
Victoria Ostrosky says
September 29, 2011 at 6:48 pmHow did you know that I’ve experienced something so very similar? I moved 3 years ago, and kept looking for some great gal-friends and found myself spending much more time with Jesus and it’s been wonderful! Thanks for sharing!
Jennifer says
September 30, 2011 at 1:25 pmKristen, it’s a word I needed. 🙂
Sharon O says
September 30, 2011 at 3:05 pmI wrote a blog post today about friendships. It is a gift, a treasure, a committment that says “I will be here with you” we need others in our lives. We were never meant to be alone.
Becky says
October 1, 2011 at 7:10 pmCame over from Ann Voscamp’s blog – God wanted to be sure I saw this. We moved several years ago to a VERY small community. I have been told on numerous occasions, “You’re not from here, you don’t . . . understand or know how things are done here.” Recently my feelings got hurt — seriously. I even wanted to move back where we moved from. Your comments reinforced for me what I have been hearing from My Lord. I just need to focus more. Thanks a bunch.
Janelle@GraceTags says
October 2, 2011 at 12:42 pmI’m on the other end of the spectrum. I crave God more than people. BUT, that isn’t always healthy. We are created as relational beings. God should be number one, but I do wish I could connect with other human beings in an easier for me.
Janelle
GraceTags
Stephanie says
October 3, 2011 at 9:15 amThank you so much for this wonderful post. I have been in the shoes your describe for what feels like such a long time : ) My family and I moved about 5 years ago for my husband’s job and despite being involved in church and many attempts to seek relationships, I often find myself longing for those deeper connections that I just can’t seem to make. Sometimes it even seems like the more I seek them, the more the become elusive. I’ve been lonely and frustrated. I have to stop and realize that just maybe, this is God pursuing me, regardless of my stubborn and doubtful heart. It’s has been a particularly difficult year but I just wanted you to know how much I have enjoyed your post and I am thankful for the gentle words God speaks to me through your post. Thank you.
Marjorie says
September 25, 2013 at 9:54 am“God showed me I craved relationship with others above relationship with Him.” Thanks, I really didn’t see it that way. I was see it as God keeping women away from me. But reading this today I guess I knew it in my heart but my crave for friendship over run my need of Him.
Susan says
September 30, 2015 at 5:17 pmI can’t find the next blog entry on what to do while you are waiting on friendships? Can anyone else?
I’ll leave this open for a few days just in case. Boy does this hit home for me right now!