Somewhere around the Spring of 1997, the hubs and I decided to add wee-watts to our party of two. And that’s how I saw the whole thing: We decided so He would make it happen. On my timetable, thankyouverymuch.
I naively assumed this baby making thing would be a piece of cake. After all, numerous friends giddily shared how getting pregnant was almost as simple as just looking at their spouse. So how long could it take, really?
We got down to business. And while we had fun trying, we turned calendar page after calendar page with no pregnancy.
I would love to tell you I contentedly spent the waiting time peacefully seeking trusting in the Lord. But I didn’t. I – the weird girl who as a teen loved babysitting – wanted to have my own children somethin’ fierce. I became frustrated and disheartened, and I didn’t take the waiting gracefully. All sorts of questions kept me up at night, but one remained highlighted in flourescent pink and blue: Would I ever have a baby?
So, after a year and a half, we headed to the doctor in hopes of having questions answered. Tests revealed the problem, and I was able to take something that corrected the problem. Not too long afterwards, the first pink line on my pregnancy test had a twin. And then we discovered we would go from a family of two to a family of four.
Eight months later, we had ourselves two tiny, precious boys.
The night they came home, I held them in the brown rocking chair, the one placed inside their blue and yellow nursery. As I rocked and loved on their fragile but very healthy selves, I said these words out loud to myself,
“Why are you so good to me, Lord? I don’t deserve them.”
And through my wailing-turned-dancing tears, I felt the Giver of All Good Things say,
“I don’t give out of deservedness, I give out of gracefulness. They were always a part of my plan for you.”
I hadn’t waited patiently, but that didn’t change God’s plans on His end. If I had waited patiently, I would have had a more peaceful couple of years. But thankfully, gracefully, the state of my mood would not determine the way He moved. He had plans for me, and tucked in my string of days was the hot summer one my twenty-five year old self gave birth to twin boys. I failed to fully trust Him, yet He still gave me what I wanted. And when I thought about it in hindsight, He didn’t really make me wait that long. So many wait much longer.
The Lord used this to build tiny faith steps in me, to prove His faithfulness. And even though there are other things I’ve prayed for but haven’t received, I trust the Giver of All Good Things still has my back.
I don’t know what you are waiting on today. Maybe you’ve been waiting on it for much longer than a couple years. But if you are like me, fretting impatiently that the Lord’s timetable is not to your liking, may you find hope in knowing that nothing will derail His good and perfect plans for you. Maybe you’ll receive exactly what you pray for. Maybe you won’t. But however He moves, trust what He gives will be beyond what you could ever plan for yourself.
Maybe even doubly so.
Becky K says
Beautiful. And so true. For us, it was a year of waiting on baby number two. Secondary infertility – who knew there was such a thing until it stares you in the face. I, too, did not handle the fruitless months gracefully. But God did. Thank you for this encouragement. I can relate to it well.
Thank you, Becky.
You have no idea how your words have touched my heart today. At 46 I still wait for the dream of a husband and family. It has been hard to realize now that my dream of children will never be. I doubt so much and wonder if the one special person will ever come into my life. You have reminded this aching heart that God still has a plan for me. It may not be what I have dreamed of all my life but it will be perfect and in God’s time. Thank you for your words today. Please know that for me there was a direct impact with a reminder to keep waiting on God.
Stella, you are on my heart and in my prayers. Thank you…
Jacque @ Mercy Found Me says
Oh Kristen, what truth you’ve written today! I just love your thankyouverymuch heart, and the way you write truth with joy! May your words “may you find hope in knowing that nothing will derail His good and perfect plans for you”, bring many people the hope they are so very desperate for, and may we all give thanks for EVERYTHING He gives! Praying your day was amazing 🙂
Sharon O says
Precious babies. My daughter had identical twin daughters and it is so wonderful to see them now, at age 8. Somedays they look totally identical other days they don’t … I just say ‘girls come here’ and that is always safe. (they also correct me, if I say the wrong name)
Tiffany M says
This couldn’t have come at a better time! Your words fill me with a great sense of hope because my husband and I are at wit’s end trying to become pregnant. I do have to credit you for the amount of time and patience you must have had!! Hoping that an “in office procedure” through my OBGYN hasn’t caused this “waiting period”. Only God can prove me otherwise! God bless and Thank you!!!!!
Charissa Steyn says
What an amazing testimony. Waiting on God is one of the most precious seasons in life, sometimes we just don’t always see it that way 😉 Thanks for sharing part of your story!!