I was born on Memorial Day, 50 years ago this past Memorial Day.
My birthday felt especially sweet this year because my husband and daughter threw me a party with my very favorite things: family + friends + drinks + country music + CAKE (!!!). It felt doubly special to have a party because, as every May baby knows, birthdays this month (like December birthdays) are often relegated to the corners of the schedule. Not because our families and friends don’t care about us. Rather, because when you have a birthday in May, it’s going to be shoehorned between All The Calendar Things. End-of-year school parties and award nights. Sports banquets. Band concerts. Graduation ceremonies. Last year, we moved my daughter into her summer school apartment on my birthday. The year before that, that same daughter graduated high school on my birthday.
So, it was fun to spend this year celebrating with loved ones and talking about life, eating delicious cake, and laughing till my sides split.
I don’t begrudge birthdays; I like to reflect on them and the years they represent. Because turning 50 feels especially momentous, I’m opening my journal to share some of what I’ve learned at this point in my life. If you’re near (or past!) the half-century mark, chime in with your own lessons and blessings found within this stage. If you’re younger, may you read and know there is much good to be had in the land of the 50+ living!
There is freedom in caring less, period. I’m one who’s default is to care a lot, and overall I like that this quality makes me empathetic. But when caring a lot veers into ruminating on what other people think about me, I’m caring too much. At this point in my life, I don’t have must time or interest to guess what people meant when they said this or did that–or to worry about what they thought of me when I said this or did that. In the words of my friend, Maria, “Don’t fear 50…it’s so liberating!”
Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a relational superpower. Giving people the benefit of the doubt gives life to all your relationships. Not giving the benefit of the doubt will strangle the life right out of them. While genuine relationship problems need addressing, being one who’s hard to offend will draw folks to you like a bee to honey.
Not everyone will like you. If you’re like me, you’ve spent a lot of time knowing this in your head but rejecting it in your heart. I used to think I could win folks over who were on the fence about me. But that just means I’m losing before I’ve started because if people are my people, they don’t need to be won over. They’re already with me. At 50 I actually appreciate that not everyone likes me because then I don’t need to worry about investing in those people. It’s a helpful limitation that serves to point me in the direction where my interpersonal efforts are wanted and appreciated. If Jesus was okay with not everyone liking Him, we can be okay with it, too.
Making friends at this stage of life is harder…and easier. As I get older and am now an Empty Nester, finding friends is harder because there’s less opportunity to rub shoulders with other women. However, I’ve found that it’s easier to keep friends I do make because we both have a more “laid back” nature that’s hard to offend. While there’s exceptions to this, we generally give each other more breathing room, so we enjoy our friendships more. We ain’t here for the drama..
A well placed “I’m sorry” covers many a mistake. I’ve made many mistakes in parenting my children, in being a wife to my husband, and in being a friend to others. I still find myself wishing I could go back in time to do a better job years ago and…yesterday. And yet I’ve found that a sincere, genuine apology forms a bridge from one person to another keeping relationships in tact.
Read the rest of “The Goodness of the Lord in the Land of 50+ Living” at my second online home, (in)courage.
And if you or someone you love has a new graduate, The Changing Nest: A 12-Day Devotional for the Mom of the Graduate may be of help!
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