My Faith laces her friend’s strawberry blonde hair through fingers, her eyes moving from the American Girl french braid guide to woven locks. She keeps at it, and when she’s done the braid looks better than any I’ve made. I say enthusiastically, “What a stunning hairstyle!”
Faith says, “Thanks, mama. Doesn’t she look pretty?”
Her friend sits with legs sprawling over the trundle bed, toes tapping the frame. She smiles and replies, “Well, Faith does french braids better than anyone.”
I listen to them chatter a little more before leaving. Later I fold laundry, and my mind returns to their words and actions. They were giving each other a little time and doing something that made the other feel beautiful. I am reminded that my children will gravitate towards whomever gives them those two things: time and encouragement. And really, don’t we grown-ups want to be with those who give us these things, too? But sometimes rather than celebrating the blessings and talent of another person, I’d rather sit and stew over how her french braid looks so much nicer than mine.
Or how her house is prettier, her clothes are nicer, her kids are better behaved.
Jealousy for me isn’t so much a green-eyed monster but a steely gray-eyed, well dressed woman who expertly employs the art of suggestion. She looks back and forth between me and the thing I’m “missing” and subtly plants seeds of doubt. She convinces me to compare and therefore steals my joy. Pretty soon, I think of little else other than how I’d be greater if I had different.
When Jesus’ disciples wanted to know which of them would be greatest, Jesus didn’t say it would be the one who was the most of anything, but the one who was the least of everything.
Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all – he is the greatest.”
Luke 9:47-48
In Jesus’ time, children were valued as much as stray dogs. So when He answered their question by holding a small child close, He made the ultimate point that the only way up is down. The only way to be the greatest is to be the least.
One sure fire way to make yourself the least – and let go of jealousy – is to voice encouragement to someone else. Turn yourself outward, even if it’s the last thing in the world you feel like doing. Encouraging someone else keeps the cycle of grace moving and gives wings to her joy. And the amazing thing? When we do this, we are telling God “thank you” for that person’s gift. While it’s of upmost importance to acknowledge gifts God delivers to us, acknowledging gifts God delivers to others breeds joy inside us, too.
In the garden of my soul, doubts die and joy germinates when I build others up.
And just like my daughter’s friend who isn’t afraid to give a compliment, I want to be the friend who is secure enough in her own talents to acknowledge yours. Because while I’m not all that, I’m not all that bad, either. And neither are you!
How do you fight Ms. Jealousy and let joy germinate in the garden of your soul?
This is such a great reminder of something I have been working on. I told my husband last night that I am trying to be more loving and understanding of everyone. Encouraging them and complimenting them, not questioning their motives. This is hard when the grey haired lady is on my shoulder, but one I think God wants of me much more than I have been giving in the past. Thanks for sharing!
I like how you mention not questioning their motives. That stops me sometimes, too. Here’s to ditchin’ Ms. Jealousy together.
This might sound like a backwards approach, but I often remind myself, when I’m tempted to be envious, that I don’t really know what I’m asking for. Her bigger house might come with a marriage in trouble. Her prettier face might come with greater heartache in her spirit. Basically, I remember that it’s always better to have my own problems than someone else’s. Mine are at least not unknown. Thank you for this post, Kristen. I’ve been considering the sin of comparison lately, and you’ve hit so many things right on the head. It does breed joy to thank God for other people’s blessings – I want to do more of that!
Ya know Becky, I heard Lysa Terkeurst talk about the same thing. We just don’t know what burdens come with her blessings. Like you said, at least ours aren’t unknown. Great thoughts, friend. Appreciate you!
The grass always looks greener, doesn’t it? I’ve learned that comparing myself to others DOES steal my joy, and makes me extremely ungrateful for what God has given me. Sinfully so. Sometimes so much that I’ve….gulp….accused Him of not loving me as much as others because they appear to be more blessed. Wow. After reading One Thousand Gifts, I’ve been in repentance mode and thanking Him for the blessings I do have. As soon as I start to feel that Accuser bring forth envy in my mind, I begin to *immediately* thank God for whatever comes to my mind. A sunny day, eyes that can see, my child’s laughter. I also pray fervently in my mind to release my bad feelings. I’m reminded to “…Fix {my} thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” {Philippians 4:8} It always does the trick. Renewing our minds is a daily battle that we can win with Gods’ help.
“Renewing our minds is a daily battle that we can win with Gods’ help.” ~ yes and amen. You bless, beautiful friend.
So true. I’ve struggled with this one, too. I still remember being reminded in Sunday school once that, “God gives blessings to more than one person.” It’s so easy to get focused on my own life and forget that God blesses and uses other people, too. Lately, I’ve been thinking about my own life and God has made me realize more and more how greatly I’ve been blessed and it’s a shift in the heart that somehow takes the focus away from looking at what other people might be getting.