The other day, my dark haired son sauntered over to me as I scrubbed dirty dishes and said, “Ya know, mama, Ethan and I only have 3 summers left with you before we graduate high school.”
Insert mama here dropping dishes in the sink and standing with her hands mid air, suds dripping, while staring at her boy.
I narrowed my eyes and said to him in mock-severety:
“James, do you really think I’m not already aware of this?”
He smiled country mile wide and slung a lanky arm around my shoulders.
I’m learning to sling my own arm around this changing season of growing kids, to acknowledge the loss change holds but embrace the gifts it brings, too.
Gifts, for example, like an emerging awareness and confidence found in God’s plan for my boy’s life.
Not long ago we dropped him off for a week long cadet leadership program. I watch as he strode confidently after the others, looking every bit the independent man-child he is. I lean toward my husband and say, “Can you believe we used to have such a difficult time getting this child to stay in the church nursery or in Mother’s Day Out? Remember how I would assure him you can do this! but he would cry and cry ’til I picked him up afterwards?”
Now I’m the one crying and my boy is the one assuring me I got this, mama.
And I’ve got to remember that this child growing and maturing is exactly what’s supposed to happen.
While in this moment change for me looks like a special awareness of growing kids, it has been my constant companion in many forms throughout my grown-up life. I’ve spent much time looking change up and down with squinty eyes and crossed arms because I believed it meant to do me more harm than good. I fought it, whined and complained about it. I’ve loudly longed for the way things used to be rather than quietly embracing the way things are. In truth, however, all change ever asks me to do is hold its hand in trust that even now, God is using it for my best.
“The challenge is to believe that this is also true–and to know God’s presence–in the midst of doubt, depression, anxiety, conflict or failure. The God who is Immanuel is equally in those moments we would never choose as in those we would always gladly choose.” David G. Benner, The Gift of Being Yourself
Every change comes with God’s unchanging promise of presence and grace. And so I find that sometimes, I must give up what I think I want for what God knows I need.
As you may or may not know, I wrote a few words on this subject of change in book form, and that book will release in just three and a half months. Many of you have kindly asked if you can be a part of my launch team for the book, and I would dearly, totally and completely love it if you would apply for that when the time comes. But for now, I wonder if we could still team up to support one another through whatever life changes find us this season? Because while change takes a thousand different forms unique to our own circumstances, we all need the same encouragement to see it through.
If you are going through a season of change big or small and have a photo that represents this season, would you post it and tag it with #girlmeetschange so we all can see it and encourage you too? Join me on instagram, facebook or twitter with your own pictures of change, and let’s show each other that we aren’t doing it alone. Let’s show each other we can enjoy community and friendship together as we face our unique forms of change.
“There is something about loss that either wakes you up or puts you to sleep. I chose eyes open.” ~ Joy Williams
I read this quote last night in this article, and I thought the same could be said of change. I want to choose keeping my eyes open to it, to acknowledging it with intentional acceptance rather than overt hostility.
I think it’ll be easier to do that with good people like you.
Much love to you, friends. xo
Kristen,
Change is inevitable. Most people don’t like change–including me! Change can be good, but hard to handle when going through it. My aging dad is doing much better health wise this year-just his mind is gone. Now for my change prayer: While taking care of my dad’s health issues last year my job suffered greatly. Truth is I haven’t liked my job for the last few years and now I desperately need a new/different job. Prayers please for this! Also hubby needs reassurance that his job will be there for the next few years. Hard to say when his medical group is looking to merge with the other big medical group in the area. He’s afraid they will close his little urgent care he’s working in. What to do? He had to leave a medical office (same group) and go back to hospital last year and now he’s got this job and we aren’t sure if he will be employed in the next few years there.
All kinds of changes happening here!
You should enjoy these summers with your children. Before long they will find their wings and fly off into this big bad world.
Here’s a song for all momma’s of HS graduating children: “Find Your Wings” Mark Harris
It’s only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I’ll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I’ll want to know
You’re walking in the truth
And if I never told you, I want you to know
As I watch you grow
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
It’s not living if you don’t reach for the sky
I’ll have tears as you take off
But I’ll cheer as you fly
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
My, you do have some big changes happening! You have my prayers, Beth. And thanks for sharing those song lyrics.
I remember those boys as tiny babies and laughing toddlers! It’s uncanny how time seems to, well, fly as we age. My oldest will be off to college in a year and just preparing for that is both exciting and scary. As I look back over her life, I admit to feeling somewhat chagrined that some things didn’t happen the way I’d imagined. Some prayers went unanswered, some experiences went awry. But I see her now in a place I never imagined–very confident, mature, and this Velcro baby who turned into a very introverted, nerdy adolescent is now on the student council of a school she’s only attended 6 months, and works in a coveted area of the Monterey Bay Aquarium, teaching and speaking to the public masses.
The part of this entry that spoke to me was, “…sometimes I must give up what I think I want for God knows what I need.” Such a hard truth! I think I want a lot of things that haven’t happened, and trusting God in this area is tough. But the proof comes after the waiting, and I’m nervous but hopeful.
“The proof comes after the waiting.” So true and so hard.
Velcro baby indeed. And just look at her now! Extraordinary.
I adore your beautiful, talented, confident daughters, and I’m so thankful for all the ways you’ve mentored my own mothering through the years. Love you girl!
I’m going through so much change, this came at exactly when I needed it. I fight, embarrassingly, change until I’m blue in the face. I know I’ve always came out more on top than before. Trying to get through it with a little more class, grace, and forgiveness. Trying to open my eyes to it now!
Ah Lyn–been there, done that, have a closet full of t-shirts as proof. 😉 And looking for the grace in change right alongside you.