Happy New Year, darlings! I’ve missed you so much!
How did your holidays treat you? Good, I hope?
Ours treated us better than we deserve. Oh, it wasn’t perfect, but it was perfectly wonderful. It began on a hard note with our girl’s surgery to fuse her top two vertebrae together. While the days and hours leading up to surgery kept my stomach flip flopping, I can now say that being on the other side of it is pure joy. Still, you won’t waste a prayer on Faith, that her vertebrae behave by fusing like good little bones. We won’t know the final results for another month or two. So once again, we wait.
If there was a low spot to Christmas break {not including my sweet girl going under the knife}, it was yours truly pitching a fit over something the kids did wrong. {Nothin’ like pushing a situation from bad to worse by bringing in the F5 Mama emotions.} I gave them a talkin’ to that was overkill for the crime committed and when they tried to explain, I threw a, “Shut up!” right at them.
I continued my lecture ’til I looked over at my daughter with doe eyes swimming. “Faith,” I said impatiently, “Why are you crying?”
She answered with her voice quivering, “Mama, you’ve {sniff, sniff}…never…told us {sniff, sniff}…to ‘shut up’… before.”
Well, there’s a first time for everything. If only I could know this would be my last. But I know myself and we haven’t even hit the teenage years.
I rub my forehead and look at them, trying to see Jesus in their faces. Sighing hard, I apologize for all the things I shouldn’t have said. Apologies don’t erase wounds, but they do treat them. Apologies aren’t magic wands that make things acceptable, but they are one tool that rebuilds what’s crumbled.
Apologies are one way to kick start a fresh start.
I love fresh starts, and heaven knows the New Year is the perfect time for one. Or if you’re like me, the perfect time for a dozen or so. And when we’ve got Jesus’ way about us, we remember that His grace is what hands us those fresh starts and do-overs allowing us to rest our heads in His peace.
Then suddenly I feel Him speak, “There really is a first time for everything.”
I rest in this truth.
The holidays here were very nice. Lots of extended family time. I’m so glad your little girl’s surgery and recovery seem to be going well. Saying a little prayer for a smooth recovery, and happy new year to you!
Thank you, dearest! I appreciate your prayers so, so much!
It’s good to remember we all get fresh starts with each day! I hope you have a wonderful new year!
Yup, New Year or not! May you have a wonderful year too, Amy!
You are a wonderful Momma! We are human, just like they are human!
*YOU* are one fab mama, Sister! And I’m thankful His grace fills in our human gaps. Love you!
You, too, Kristen? Thanks for reminding us we’re not alone in our mommy slip-ups. I read your May post on the F5 emotions, too. How I can relate! Great perspective. Happy NewYear!
Thank you, dear Becky! So glad we have each other in this parenting gig.
Oh so beautiful…and haven’t we all as mothers wished we could take something back that we have said or done? I am so happy for your sweet baby’s completion of her surgery. No fun, all grace.
Happy New Year Kristen!
Oh, babe, thank you for sharing this *shut up* moment. It makes me breathe a big sigh of relief that I’m not the only one who has moments when I wonder what in the world has gotten into me! I love your beautiful, transparent heart. XOXO
That’s it exactly, Holley. I too think, “What in the *world* has gotten into you, Kristen?” So thankful for you, Holley!
I’m so thankful for fresh starts as well!
Oh, me too!
Thanks Kristen for being so honest. In the privacy of our homes…who hasn’t said regretful things?
It’s amazing how much children can poke anger buttons. “You can choose A or B, but you may not have C”. “I’ll take C”. Whaaaah? For the LOVE WHY? They are God’s little instruments of sanctification. Opportunities where God asks – your will Heather (yell)? or mine (patient endurance)?
Sadly, I’ve said shut up to my kids before as well. And then felt AWFUL. Still, God used it. He used it to humble me (See how much you need me, Heather? You can’t be patient in your own strength.)
He used it to model confession and reconciliation as I had to come to them and share that I was wrong and would they forgive me? Best of all, it allowed me to share the Gospel. See how Mommy needs a Savior too?
I pray that these are the things my kids remember when they’re older. Not Mommy’s impatience or quick-temper, but how I can screw up, and be forgiven, and ask for Christ’s help, and how they can do the same.
Great post Kristen. Thanks for being so down-and-dirty real. It’s so encouraging.
Heather, you make me crack up and cry. And I also pray my kids’ memories are long on my repentance and short on my failures. Love this, wise mama!
Kristen, I love your honesty. I wish that I could say that I have never used the words “shut up” to my child but I can’t, I have even used them to my husband. You are right apologies can be said and ment however the pain is still there. Fresh starts are wonderful. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Tracy
Hi Kristen, What wonderful words about apologies. I being the human being I am, tend to have to do alot of apologizing, and the way you said the serve to rebuild really gave me clarity. I am new to you site, but I love it and check it regularly. I love your way with words and your honesty. Please know that I have been praying for Faith and will continue.
Thanks, Paola
Oh, your prayers for Faith are beyond appreciated, Paola! You bless us wildly! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
May have yelled it myself last night. Along with some other stuff. Suffice to say mama slept real bad. And spent most of today working real hard to make up for what they’d already forgotten. If children don’t teach us about grace, I don’t know what does.
Thank you for always being a safe place for me to come and find I’m not alone in this parenting crazy.
I say thanks to you for the same thing. And yes: children = grace teachers like no other! Love you, LJ!