Chasing Blue Skies

encouragement for every season of life

  • Home
  • Kristen
  • Blog
  • Books
    • Back Roads to Belonging
    • Girl Meets Change
    • Serving You (for military wives)
  • Subscribe
  • Instagram
  • Archives
  • Free
    • for everyone
    • for military spouses
  • Contact

Because Nobody Wants to Stay in the Doghouse

in Parenting

 

When my son was 3 or 4 and his behavior would start that quick slide downhill, we could begin to rein it in by rubbing his back. He would balk or resist but eventually he would ease into our touch. He’s 11 now and that still works. We rub his back and his arm and the stiffness begins to soften and his icy stare melts. Not always quickly but always eventually.

The problem? It’s harder to do this when he is being extra ornery and I am extra annoyed. But I’ve learned when I feel it the least is when I need to do it the most, to pull close when I want to push away.

My friend Cheryl says that when her young’uns most misbehave, she grabs them bear-hug style and says,

“I’m gonna hug the mean right outta you!”

I love it.

I picture God saying, “You’re behaving pretty mean right now, and I’m gonna love it right outta you!”

Another benefit of physical touch at the times I least feel like giving it? It tells my kids they remain in my good graces. It shows love, teaches forgiveness and invites restoration.

I don’t want to be the parent who simmers and brews and ruminates in my anger causing my kids to walk on eggshells while they wonder if I’m over it.  I don’t want my kids to feel they are locked in the doghouse indiscriminately.

Sometimes I model this well, sometimes not.

Sometimes we need a cooling off period. Sometimes we need breathing room. But kids always need assurance that while some behavior is intolerable, they are wholly supported and accepted. And loved.

I want to pass the grace I desperately need onto them.

Lord, help me to do this today, to pass onto them a grace legacy.

His work-in-progress,

Sharing is caring!

0shares
  • Share
  • Tweet

Related

Share
Tweet
Pin
0 Shares

Filed Under: Parenting

« When You Feel Like Comparing
On Gray Days and Blue Skies »

Comments

  1. Sara T says

    March 18, 2011 at 1:12 am

    Once again, LOVE the post! Help me remember “I’m gonna hug the mean right out of you!!!” Reminded me of a story a friend shared at our Bible Study….her Grandmother did something similar after she had REALLY messed up….and the love she showed her has stayed with her all her life!

    Reply
  2. Kristen says

    March 18, 2011 at 2:20 am

    I can see Grandma Rea doing that, can’t you?

    Reply
  3. deidra says

    March 18, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Hey! You’ve got your own place. Sorry, but I am always late to the party. I love it here! You’re doing fine on your own. And, well, you’re not really on your own at all, are you? 🙂

    Reply
    • Kristen says

      March 19, 2011 at 4:49 am

      No, ma’am! And you’re not late cuz I’m always late so actually you’re right on time! 😉

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. What’s Inconvenient says:
    July 18, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    […] that I wave out of my face, they are precious souls who need to know they are a priority blessing. Sometimes I need them to hug the ugly right out of me. So, I grab one and snuggle him on the sofa and cuddle another […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

On Instagram

The sun sets on a downright delightful month of ha The sun sets on a downright delightful month of having all the chicks back in the nest. We puzzled, Uno’d, and played a new game called Knope for President. (So fun!) We watched Mandalorian all together, and David and I started a Netflix show called Turn. We had tea (and coffee!) at 4:30 each afternoon like some kind of Brit wanna-be’s. I cooked like a crazy person because cooking is the most predictable Enneagram 2 thing I do. Pot roast, spaghetti, and baked casseroles, oh my! Plus, 21 year olds who’ve had a semester of fending for themselves on the food front are mighty appreciative when dinner magically comes out of the oven. 

Said 21 year olds are back at college now, but I’m thankful for the good memories that stay with the rest of us Strongs after they’ve left. This last month held hard stuff for many of us, I know, but I hope it left you with some good memories as well. 💛
If your life looks anything like mine, difficult c If your life looks anything like mine, difficult change that started in 2020 didn't give one whit about the new year and walked right with you into 2021. Your change could be more broadly felt like fallout from a lingering pandemic, or it could be more individual —marital, parenting, job, or relational struggles that refuse to let go. 

Or  it could be both, one worsening the other.

If you’re weary from the loneliness that change can bring OR tired of resenting change altogether (and seeing it only through a lens of anxiety and frustration), consider giving #GirlMeetsChange and #BackRoadstoBelonging a look.

Our difficult change may not be going anywhere, but our outlook on it can. 

With both books holding 200-ish reviews on Amazon and a 4.8 star rating, I still get the loveliest messages about how they’ve helped folks welcome a hopeful view of change and where they belong. 

Visit my profile for links to both! 
#fromthebookstack
#whereIbelong
#changemanagement
#anxietyreducer
#fearmanagement
#livingfaithfully
My daughter read that this past Christmas season, My daughter read that this past Christmas season, Christmas light sales were up 300% compared to years past. We may leave ours up for another week or two, and I’m 300% okay with that. 

In the wise words of @iamtabithabrown, it’s my business. 

It’s also my business how I choose to respond to something—indeed, it is a choice. Will I be thoughtful or defensive? Will I be someone who displays or douses the light of Christ? 

In our work to love our neighbor as ourselves, may we be a people who persevere and refuse to stop using our own unique God-given light to dispel the dark. People are desperate for it, and this work matters.
Looking forward with hope in what is to come while Looking forward with hope in what is to come while staying thankful for what is left behind. 

Or, as Shania Twain would say, “Let’s go girls.” 🎶 👊🏻

Happy 7th day of Christmas, and Happy New Year, dear one! 

#GirlMeetsChange
Follow on Instagram
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2021 Kristen Strong · Site by Design by Insight · Chasing Blue Skies Logo by Aliza Latta