My man is preoccupied with fishing equipment when our brown headed boy goes up to hug him before running errands with me. When David doesn’t notice his son’s affection because attentions are elsewhere, I give him “the look.” My man turns his head our direction just in time to notice my pointed, very un-Sunday school friendly look. He says to me,
“Would you stop with the dirty look?”
Our son, whose eyes and ears are everywhere, sees and hears our exchange.
I stand hand-on-hip-out and look ticked.
David hugs our boy and pats him on the back while sending him to the car with, “I love you, bud!”
When our son is out of earshot, I say, “Why did you say that out loud? He heard you!”
He replies, “Why did you have to look at me that way? He saw you!”
I sigh and shrug. I know I’ve given in to my knee jerk reaction to be critical, and I hate that. Why can’t my quick reaction be to give him the benefit of the doubt?
Because I haven’t practiced it enough, let go of me enough. I often have the darnedest time getting over myself.
I am still working on playing second fiddle.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him.
“I’m sorry, too.” he says.
In a couple weeks, my man and I will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary. Oh, I am crazy about him. When I think of how far we’ve come in our marriage, I want to dance a jig. When I think of where I’d like to be, I can get mighty upset with myself.
I have so much to learn about marriage as I trip and fall and make daily mistakes. One thing I do know, however, is that a marriage-and a house-is strengthened when its walls are plastered with genuine “I’m sorry” words for mistakes made and framed with forgiveness for grace given. The longer I’ve been married, the quicker “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” should be spoken. I suck up my pride and let no time lapse between when I know I should apologize and when I do OR when I know I should forgive and when I do.
No long silent treatments because I don’t want to be the one who breaks the ice by apologizing or extending grace first.
I want my knee-jerk reaction to be one that reflects my man first and me second.
We walk towards the car, and for the benefit of younger ears I tell David, “I’m sorry for being so cranky.”
He replies that he is sorry for the same thing.
Then he takes me and kisses me.
Right in plain sight.
Our son, whose eyes and ears are everywhere, sees and hears our exchange.
Do you find it hard to apologize to your spouse or close loved one?
Thank you for this post! I’m working on this:) My John is usually the first to apologize b/c I’m too darn stubborn….or is it prideful?:) Anyway, great reminder! And those little eyes and ears are so everywhere! You are right and I forget! He’s still workin’ on me!!!
Oh yes…stubborn is the ugly-dressed pride I have worn too many times!
Yes….still working on this one too. But I do think seeing parents ‘kiss and make up’ is an important part too….we, and they, will blow it, but there is a lesson to learn in asking forgiveness, accepting an apology and giving forgiveness to!
Definitely. If we’re gonna have the argument in front of them {I know it’s wrong to do that, but it still happens}, we are gonna reconcile in front of them, too. That also helps our family avoid the walking-on-eggshells bit.
Oh lady!!! I SO love your honest transparency!! Ever since the A-bug’s ears and eyes got to the point where I could tell she was catching it all (and this girl doesn’t miss a beat of anything) I have been eating humble pie more and more often with apology after apology (to her and daddy, pretty much on a daily basis, haha!) for my sassy-mama-wifey mouth and ‘tude. Oh, it’s so stinkin hard. Does humility and forgiveness ever get easier?! Please say it does!! 🙂
Since I’ve had TONS of practice, I’d say it does. However, it doesn’t get more fun. But I know you knew that. 🙂 Anyway, I am one that can’t stand living in tension, so that helps give me the kick in the pants to ask for forgiveness sooner than later!
We will be celebrating our 16th in Sept! I can totally relate. I sometimes hate that I feel like I’m the one who always says sorry first. It probably isn’t that way, but I think a lot of the time I do. I can’t stand to have discord for very long. I am a peacemaker, I try to keep the peace. This could be bad too because I will sometimes let things go that bother me and then explode! Not good. But God is:) And He is working on me. I blow-it a lot! But we always make up in the end:)
I hear ya on that, Lollie. If something is bothering me a few days after I’ve thought I was supposed to let it go, I sometimes feel like it’s okay to bring it up. The key is doing it when I have a cool head and not when I’m hoppin’ mad! And YES…3 cheers for the making up! 🙂
I’m so grateful my parents were good at this. I had security as a child because I never doubted they loved and respected each other … they lived it in front of us. I love that you’re intentional…
Gitz, you give me renewed incentive to keep practicing second fiddle. I want our children to have that security, too! Thanks for visiting here, pretty lady!