The hospital powers-that-me let me lay on the gurney with Faith, and off we rolled from the surgery prep room to the OR. We counted bright butterflies painted on the white ceiling and talked about how our butterfly-loving Oma would like those. Too soon the OR doors swing open to reveal a room full of sterile scary. Her tears give way first, and I snuggle in tighter than tight. I stroke her hair and whisper,
“Remember baby, you know these folks, they just look so different in their work uniforms. See? There’s Dr. Grabb! And see the nurse with the blonde hair? That’s Nurse Mary. And the nice lady we met earlier this morning? Callie? She’s over there behind the computer.”
I see none of this assuages her tears, so I get to the heart of the matter and the heart of any descent encouragement:
“I know it’s scary, baby. Remember Jesus is right here. Jesus is. right. here, baby. He loves you so much, and He promises to never leave you. And you know He keeps His promises! Do you feel His arms around you right now?”
And that’s when I really pay attention to the corner laptop station with dozens of wires trailing down. Those wires hold feelers that would soon hook up to Faith’s arms, legs, scalp and back to monitor her brain activity. I know this is a very good thing. Because if they move too close to the spinal cord, they will know immediately. But knowing this doesn’t assuage my tears. That’s just plain hard for a mama to take in.
Pretty soon Faith’s sleeping, so I carefully slide off the gurney and turn around to find Mary waiting to hug me. {I’m reminded how the best way to get already-emotional-me to really let the waterworks flow is to hug me!} I walk out those swinging doors and engulf myself in the arms of my man.
Fast forward one month and three days later, and I’m amazed at how God uses everything for a purpose and how the word ‘waste’ just isn’t in His vocab.
Faith still very much misses gymnastics. When her brothers go outside to play soccer and she realizes she can’t follow along, she laments her condition. {“Sometimes I’m just tired of being fragile, Mama.”} But God – the Who of our souls – is only interested in getting to the heart of the matter. So while Faith still wears the brace and we don’t know for certain if those bones have successfully fused, I do know every bit of this has been worth it.
His grace proves it with these words written by Faith:
“I learned the story that when God closes a door, he’ll open another one. I learned this from breaking my neck.”
Faith doesn’t know what other door will open, but she does know it will open. Her faith grows because she is sure of what she hopes for and certain of what she does not see.
Because He always keeps His promises.
Oh, Kristen. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}
Thanks, Pattie. Stay warm, my Alaska-dwelling friend. xo
Gaaaaah!!! No one is giving me hugs and this is STILL bringing on the tears! I love your sweet reminders to your kids when they’re facing new and scary situations. And such truth that sweet Faith can see God’s faithfulness in her life at such a young age. I’m forever reminding myself about God’s promises. He has never ever let me down, so why on earth would I doubt and think that He might start letting me down NOW?! So not his nature. Thanks for yet another reminder of grace!!
I write it down to remind myself too, Mollie. 🙂 And yep ~ we love seeing Faith’s faith built up. It makes it all worth it, fo’ sho’!
Incredible. Thank you. I am so glad the hospitals have changed since my gurneys traveled their halls into those ORs as a child. You guys are amazing- always in my prayers!
Having had a few surgeries myself as a child, I am thankful for the same thing! Of course, this was a children’s hospital, so that’s probably why the atmosphere seemed more relaxed and friendly. Thank you for your prayers, friend ~ you have mine as well! xo
Kristen, I’m so proud of you and your baby girl. She is becoming a woman of God just like her mother! Perfect love casts out all fear; while faith and hope can over come all things ( especially when mom is there with her on the journey). You, your daughter and Christ, a three strand cord is not easily broken! Add into that cord the family,friends and bloggers who stand with you…Power from on high!
Praying for all of you.
~Di
Di, you have no idea how much this blesses me. Thank YOU.
Oh, come on, I just put on mascara and now I’m in tears! The world needs more moms like you, Kristen – the ones who will point their babies to Jesus no matter how scary the room looks. Thank you for sharing this. Praying for your family… for those bones to fuse.
Well, I take good notes from fine mamas such as yourself. 🙂 Thanks so much, Becky. xo
this post brought tears to my eyes…oh my goodness…i needed to hear this today. thank you. faith is an inspiration to me as I walk through some unknown,scary, and life changing things as well…wow…beautiful…