Chasing Blue Skies

encouragement for every season of life

  • Home
  • Kristen
  • Blog
  • Books
    • Back Roads to Belonging
    • Girl Meets Change
    • Serving You (for military wives)
  • Subscribe
  • Instagram
  • Archives
  • Free
    • for everyone
    • for military spouses
  • Contact

When the Encourager Needs Encouraging

in (In)Courage· Change· Confidence· Encouragement· Faith in Action· Friendship· Writing

CharlottePathway

From the title of this post, you probably think I’m looking for you to tell me all the ways I’m awesome. I promise that’s not the direction I’m going. (And this is where you say to yourself Good, Kristen, because I wasn’t going to tell you that at all. Heh.)

Anyway.

A couple weeks ago, I traveled through the clear blue skies to North Carolina for a writers’ retreat. It is a yearly get-together for the writers of an online space in which I contribute, and every year I look forward to connecting with the good folks there. This year, however, I almost didn’t go. I told my husband I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. I’ve been in such a tender place lately, and I didn’t think I had the energy to be helpful to anyone. Then there’s the fact that coordinating my family’s schedule in my absence requires almost as much logistical planning as a military operation. Combine that with my heavy spirit and it just seemed easier to stay home.

I’m not what you would call “a natural” at many things, but I am a natural encourager. Most people in my circles know me as this. But with my heart and soul in a place that couldn’t offer much by way of support or encouragement, a little bit of me wondered if I would still be likable to these gals. Enjoyable. Any fun at all. When you go into something knowing you’re a hot, vulnerable mess, you fear you may be a little too high maintenance for your own good–not to mention theirs.

I explained all this to my husband who believed I would still regret it if I didn’t go. Sighing in resignation, I packed my suitcase and what grit I could muster and prayed that God would help me be more supportive than needy.

I landed in Charlotte and met another writer at the airport, she and I the tail-end-Charlies to the arriving gang. As we waited for our ride from the airport to the hotel, she asked me in all sincerity, “How are you doing?” Cue my meager grit dissolving like glass back to sand and I just started crying right there outside the Charlotte airport’s baggage claim.

As I expected, that wasn’t the only time I puddled up in front of someone. It happened an additional 17.854 times, approximately. When someone asked, “How are you doing?” I simply didn’t have the energy to give a glossy I’m fine. I didn’t have the energy to deflect attention back to the other person. I didn’t have the energy to apologize for my tears, which is my usual MO. As a result, I found kindness from those who said yes, I’d cry about that too. I found support from others who didn’t see me as a burden. I discovered we’re all more alike than different in what makes us nervous and tired and insecure. Because I chose to meet up with these women (as well as my longtime friend Cheryl who lives in Fayetteville), I left North Carolina heartened and encouraged.

(in)couragewritersbarnretreat

Here’s the truly interesting thing: The week after I got home, there was an undeniable buoyancy to my spirit. I felt lighter, like I had stepped into a garden where flowers bloomed bright and a cool breeze blew my hair over my bare shoulders. I walked as if an extra set of arms held my burdens. No, my circumstances hadn’t changed one iota (still haven’t), but I feel the later advantages that come with first accepting encouragement from others.

Of course, there are times when it is good to stay at home and not venture out with a vulnerable heart. Prayer and discernment help us know when to stay and when to go. But if you find yourself crying easily as you answer simple questions, it may be time to step outside your front door and through someone else’s. You may not want to today, but your later self will tell you it was the right thing to do.

And if you are a born encourager yet struggle to allow yourself to be encouraged in return (hopefully I’m not the only one?), please know that God may well use the one encouraging you to bring you from the desert to the garden. Know Jesus will show up and affirm that you are likable well beyond your ability to encourage in any given moment. Believe you indeed deserve the encouragement from others.

Most of all, believe that you need it, too, and that you can be supportive because of your neediness, not in spite of it.

Much love to you, friends. xo

Sharing is caring!

0shares
  • Share
  • Tweet

Related

Share105
Tweet2
Pin3
110 Shares

Filed Under: (In)Courage, Change, Confidence, Encouragement, Faith in Action, Friendship, Writing

« If You Find Yourself Crying Easily Over the Change in Your Life
When You’re Just Plain Weary from Life’s Difficulties »

Comments

  1. Lisa-Jo Baker says

    August 4, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    This makes me SO happy to hear. That we could carry some of the load and give you back a portion of the incredibly generous encouragement you give to so many of us. Love you and cheering you onward friend!!!

    Reply
    • Kristen says

      August 6, 2015 at 10:53 am

      xoxoxoxo. (Also? BRAVO to you and the team for the work you put into that weekend. It was beautiful.)

      Reply
  2. Ann Voskamp says

    August 4, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    I love you and your heart so much. Thank you for giving us all the gift of being real — it let us all be that. And mutually encourage each other.
    Soar, sister!
    xo

    Reply
    • Kristen says

      August 6, 2015 at 10:56 am

      Thanks for saying that, Ann, and for your generous kindness. Love you!

      Reply
  3. Mary says

    August 4, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    Oh, Kristen, you are certainly NOT the only that feels this way. Often, I am told I am an encourager, yet almost as often I feel the way you described yourself in this post. I probably NEED encouraging, but want to guard myself and not let people in or let them see that side of me. I am glad to know that I am NOT the only one. Thank you for your transparency and honesty in this post!

    Reply
    • Kristen says

      August 6, 2015 at 11:00 am

      Thanks so much for sharing here, Mary. Obviously, you’re not alone! I don’t have a problem sharing when it is the result of a natural connection or conversation somewhere, but I don’t often allow myself the gift of walking in somewhere already a hot mess. It was good to taste and see the Lord’s goodness by way of transparency with others.

      Reply
  4. Pam Berry says

    August 4, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    Thank you. This whole “embracing change” journey has been hard. As someone who can, and does, pray for others on a daily basis, my “dilemma” was in admitting that the intercessor needed some intercession. I am so thankful that your writings have entered my life.

    Reply
    • Kristen says

      August 6, 2015 at 11:01 am

      And I’m thankful you’ve entered mine, Pam. xoxo

      Reply
  5. Beth Williams says

    August 4, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    Kristen,

    I’m so glad you went. Sometimes it helps to be around people. I find that if I talk with some people about my problems and feelings then they can encourage me and build me back up. I can then go out and encourage others. Remember: We were not meant to do this life alone, we were meant for community!

    Blessings 🙂

    Reply
  6. Susan G. says

    August 5, 2015 at 12:59 am

    Thanks for this Kristen. This really spoke to me, because I too, am an encourager (and have also been told that by others). It puts me in a ‘spot’ because I tend not to share when I need encouragement or prayer. This put a whole new perspective on how I look at this dilemma.
    Thanks for being so transparent to help us all!
    Blessings!

    Reply
  7. Lauren says

    August 5, 2015 at 5:33 am

    This is a beautiful story of God’s grace at work in the body of Christ! May you continue to feel the encouragement of Christ, dear Kristen!

    Reply
  8. Julie Joiner says

    August 5, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    As always, I so appreciate your vulnerability. It is uncomfortable to share the tender places. It has been such an encouragement to read your blog, and others like yours, and to be given glimpses of your humanity. As a counselor I occassionally ask, where does a counselor go to be listened to with the same care and empathy we give others? I am learning that no one can be there for me unless I tell them I am in need. I am glad you went to your retreat and receiveed nurturing and validation. God bless you on the journey! Julie

    Reply
    • Kristen says

      August 6, 2015 at 11:02 am

      “I am learning that no one can be there for me unless I tell them I am in need.” Yes and amen.

      Appreciate your words here so much, Julie.

      Reply
  9. Melinda Lancaster says

    August 7, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    No, you aren’t the only one. I needed to read this post. I feel too tired to step out hiding isn’t really working, either. You’ve given me something to consider and I find hope just knowing that the same God Who cares enough to send You encouragement loves me, too!

    Reply
  10. Nancy Wigmore says

    January 27, 2018 at 6:16 am

    Yes, the encourager needs encouragement…God bless you…and thanks for sharing. Have a beautiful day!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Shout Out Saturday: 6 Great Blog Posts You Should Read says:
    August 8, 2015 at 11:58 am

    […] – When the Encourager Needs Encouraging by Kristen Strong “I’m not what you would call ‘a natural’ at many things, but I am a […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

On Instagram

$1.99 ebook deal-extraordinaire!🎉💃🏻🎉 R $1.99 ebook deal-extraordinaire!🎉💃🏻🎉 Right now, get the digital version of Back Roads to Belonging for $1.99! ⁠⁠
⁠⁠
This book can be a gift for anyone feeling lost or lonely no matter her life season, but I believe it's an especially timely gift to yourself or a loved one who may be missing her place and people during the lingering pandemic. ⁠⁠
⁠⁠
Tap the link in my profile for links to both Kindle & Nook.☑️☑️⁠⁠
⁠⁠
And if you read this book and found it personally helpful, perhaps consider sharing it 'round your circles, too? ⁠⁠
⁠⁠
#backroadstobelonging⁠⁠
photo credit: @jenlintsphotography
An accomplishment for this week: Taking daily walk An accomplishment for this week: Taking daily walks outside, because outside is where the pretty lives even if it's also where the cold lives, too. ⁠⁠
⁠⁠
Another accomplishment this week included introducing my daughter to an '80's staple of pop culture: Dirty Dancing.💃🏻🕺🏻 My inner 8th grader still knows all the songs, and my daughter was able to understand the origins of "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." and that it *doesn't* refer to an actual baby. What can I say? I've found one homeschooling subject I feel qualified to teach. ⁠⁠✅
⁠⁠
Happy Friday, dear hearts!⁠⁠💛
⁠⁠
⁠⁠
Trusting God with the ones you love ~ I found this Trusting God with the ones you love ~ I found this easier to do when the ones I love lived in my house full time. It turns out that having them move out from under my roof is a real lesson in seeing the holes of my trust.⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠
You might say learning this has been A WHOLE THING. ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠
I first saw this book on @annvoskamp's instagram feed, and since Ann never steers me wrong, I promptly bought it and am now halfway through it. ⁠I skip some chapters as they don't (yet if ever) apply, but those that *do* apply have been a real help and comfort. ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠
In short, author @jodie_berndt's prayer prompts and stories reflecting an array of circumstances and outcomes has been a real gift to my mama heart. ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠
⁠Being a parent is hard no matter the age of our kids, but I'm so thankful for books like this that ease our trials and deepen our trust along the way.⁠⁠⁠
#fromthebookstack
This verse came alongside me like a friend not onc This verse came alongside me like a friend not once but twice in two days:⁠⁠
⁠⁠
"The angel of the Lord encamps⁠⁠
 around those who fear him, and delivers them.” ~Psalm 34:7⁠⁠
⁠⁠
I don’t know what hardship you're encountering today, but I hope you also encounter this message:⁠⁠
⁠⁠
As God surrounds you, may He deliver you *to* a better place, yes. But may He deliver you *from* anxiety, loneliness, fears, and wrongdoing.⁠⁠
⁠⁠
And along the way, may He give you a friend who prays for you and walks with you from where you are to where you will be. ⁠⁠
⁠⁠
#whereIbelongWednesday⁠⁠
#backroadstobelonging
Follow on Instagram
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2021 Kristen Strong · Site by Design by Insight · Chasing Blue Skies Logo by Aliza Latta