I plumb broke down in the laundry room yesterday, giving into that sobbing kind of ugly cry you do when no one else is looking.
Did I have a big fight with my husband? Nope. Did I learn a loved one is dealing with cancer? Nope. Did I discover my brand new skirt shrank because I forgot to pull it from the laundry before it hit the dryer and roasted on high heat? Yep.
Forget straw and the camel’s back. It was the wardrobe malfunction (of sorts) that broke my resolve.
A momentous day for my family speeds toward us. On December 18th, David officially retires from the Air Force. And while that may not sound like a big deal to you, it sure feels like one to our family. It requires a lot of preparations, both for the ceremony and party. We have more family coming into town as have ever visited at one time, so it suddenly seems imperative that I wrap up the half-dozen home improvement projects I’ve started over the past 3 years.
And since we’re completely crazy, we thought now would be an awesome time to add a couple home renovation projects to our agenda. Nothing says peace and calm like torn up kitchen floors.
So in all my party-prepping and furniture-staining and scrapbook-making, I haven’t had time to really process the change a life separate from the military is. So I give into the chaos and do weird things like cry over laundry or behave as if the kids’ garland of socks strung throughout the house might bring down the free world. Then I cry again and spend the rest of my time apologizing to everyone who lives under my roof.
Last Sunday, as my husband and I walked from the children’s area to church, I clung to his arm and said with a heavy exhale, “Baby, I’m so sorry I keep saying things I have to say sorry for.”
This is such an exciting, beautiful time for my family. The world is a winter white canvas, and we hold the tools for designing our future. I say good-bye to things I won’t miss, like deployments and threats of deployments. No more fretting about school systems or wondering which furniture didn’t survive the move.
Still, I’m sad to say goodbye to some things. I will miss being a part of the active duty military, even as I know that like family, once you’re in, you’re in. It’s also a scary, stressful time as we are still wading through change. But for the first time in a long time, not changing is the change.
And I’m surprised at how this takes some getting used to.