I’ve been sauntering down memory lane, and I blame it all on the Dear Me letter to my teenage self. Today I stop and visit a memory from my senior year, one involving a certain girl with thick chestnut hair and her best friend. We share classes, lunches, and secrets. That is until something happens, drama unfolds, and we stop speaking to one another.
It was 20 years ago but I still cringe remembering those months of missing her. For a season, we love each other from afar and let prayers fill the space between. Eventually we do make up and still today enjoy a sweet grown-up friendship.
That was the first time I learned about the hard love, how sometimes love looks like staying away, even if for just a season. Us grown-up girls need to remember this, too.
In my own nature, loving well means holding close, letting people in, praying with my hand on her shoulder. But this isn’t always true or best. Sometimes, loving well means setting a boundary, maintaining distance, and praying alone on my back porch. It asks God to show up in the gap between. It is the tough love but true love. It is no less for her and not against her because it leaves room for the healing power of Jesus.
Have you experienced seasons of hard love in your friendships? How did you graciously maintain distance?
Thanks to all who entered the drawing for Emily’s book Graceful! Using the Random Number Generator, the two winners are:
{Scooper and Pattie, you should have already received an email from me!}
I have experienced much friendship drama over my entire life, and it is painful. I’m blessed with some great, true friends now.
PS: Thank you for the win 🙂 I know it was random, but my gratitude is no less profound.
You are a dear, Pattie!
Great post! Yes, I’m tough loving an aging parent right now; sometimes Truth does that too! But I pray God heals him like He has healed me, that He sends others into his life to be salt and life and light.
Thanks for sharing!
You’re so right: Sometimes Truth does give tough love.
Thank you for sharing here, Marina. Love having you here!
Oh the two-part necklaces and earrings with those dreaded letters “BFF”! Yes, I fell pray to that marketing ploy for way too many years. Searching for one, ultimate, BEST friend can put altogether too much pressure on a set of human beings.
God has been faithfully teaching me that He gives me many, many friends- each with her own gift to bring to the friendship. That means I’m ok if a friendship ends or just gets put on hold for awhile. He’s got the other half of that two-part jewelry and I’m free to enjoy whomever He brings into my life.
Thanks for the beautiful reminder, Kristen.
Ah, your words on freedom heal my soul, Shannon. Thank *you*, friend!
This story reminds of the book The Chosen by Chaim Potok. There is a season of staying away in that book. Right now, God has been staying away and praying on my back porch. But I think I”m suppose to be praying more…thanks for the reminder!!
Thanks for this reminder that sometimes God is calling us to step back and love from afar. I grew up with a mom who when faced with a problem we dealt with it, there was forgiveness and a fresh start. It was very hard to understand that our world doesn’t work that way and that most woman can hold onto hurt for years. I’m still glad my mom gave me the gift of forgiveness and it passed into my relationships today.
Laura, your mama was a smart, graceful woman! Her way encourages growth of grace and forgiveness rather than bitterness and anger. I do my best to model the same thing in my own home. In this post, I am mostly referring to those times we either lift others or they lift us to a position where God alone belongs. That isn’t healthy for either one of us. In those cases, I’ve learned it’s best to step back and let the one, true God work on their hearts…and my own.
Good words to ponder, Kristen. Although I don’t enjoy walking through these times, it is these times alone that draw me to see how loving God is. He is El Roi and sees our pain!
I know it’s several years later, but I needed this today. A dear, dear friend is struggling with same-sex attraction toward me and with codependent tendencies, and my deeply personal tendency to draw close was hurting her. So she asked me to stay back for a while at least. I’m struggling with feeling rejected and missing her terribly. I can hardly look at her without crying, but we go to the same church and serve in several ministries together. I want her to know I still love her, and I’ll be ready for renewed relationship if and when she’s able to do that. But I’m afraid that saying that will just make things worse. We’re always told that love is an action, which makes it feel completely wrong to love by not acting. But right now, laying down my life means giving up my craving for her to love me and loving her by making space for Jesus. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much. And I hope I’m doing it right.