I can still see them, their 3 year old wee-watt legs peddling slow but sure. I pushed little sister, a newborn, in the stroller ahead of them and kept looking over my shoulder and calling,
“Hurry or we’re gonna be late for swim lessons!”
My twin boys would peddle like gangbusters then get distracted by a grasshopper or a rock. So, they’d stop to investigate and I would sigh and start in on them again.
“Let’s keep going, boys! C’mon, we’re almost there!”
Except I wouldn’t say it in my nice Sunday school voice.
Now, these boys are 11 and some poor parenting habits don’t die easily. On an early morning a few weeks ago I beg my son to hurry as we are late for drum practice. He keeps moving like molasses in January. I am beyond frustrated so I say,
“Can’t you puh-leeeease move at a reasonable pace?”
My son looks beyond frustrated and says,
“Mom, would you quit dog piling me already?”
I retort, “Would you quit moving like you’ve got no where to be and all day to get there?”
Still, his words stick with me and even though I’m frustrated, I think about how I’m dog piling him with stress and how is this helping?
I drop him off at practice and as I pull out of the parking lot I remember Ann’s words about how hurry hurts and I think,
“Why does hurry hurt?”
God tells me,
“Because hurry burdens the boy by birthing tension and burying peace. Hurry weighs him down so it slows him down.”
Ironically, the more I ask him to kick it up a notch the more he slows down. Not because he is trying to be difficult, but because his little spirit gets overrun with pressure. It’s counterproductive. It’s one thing to take the time to stop and smell the roses, but what about when one of us needs to be somewhere at a certain time? I think about some ways to encourage relaxed mornings without sacrificing {relative} on time-ness.
I’m not inviting the hurry tension to our house this morning.
So I wake him up 15 minutes earlier. I ask him to have ev-er-y-thing done before coming downstairs. Uniform on. Teeth brushed. Hair combed. I make him breakfast while he gets ready and I finish getting ready while he eats. I look at the clock and tell him to be on time, we need to leave in 5 minutes.
“Okay, Mama!” he answers brightly.
5 minutes come and go. So does the 6th minute. On the 7th he puts on his coat and gathers his things. I remember the Parenting with Love and Logic way that says:
“…the first hour of the day is the very best time to teach kids responsibility. We do this by allowing them to do most of the thinking, and most of the jobs we usually do for them.”
So, I diffuse any creeping tension because I’ve done my part and it’s his responsibility to do the rest. I don’t need to hurry him along, he needs to pick his own pace for the morning {and deal with the consequences of that pace, good or bad}.
I drop him off at the music room, and as I leave the parking lot I am relieved that a hectic morning turned out well. I whisper a prayer of thanks to God for reminding me that hurry isn’t in His vocabulary.
Thank you for writing this! This is something that I struggle with every morning, especially with my boys who do not like to “hurry”. Every morning is a battle to get them to school on time. Thank you for your reminder that hurry isn’t in God’s vocabulary! I hope to put some of your advice into action tomorrow morning and start the day off right!
Hey Friend! You know I feel your pain! And as someone who runs more late than early herself, it is super easy for me to fall into hurry-panic-hollering mode. I’m thankful for the Love & Logic book which gives me practical help that is in line with the Word. I miss you, girl!
Thanks, just what I needed to hear! It is easy to forget in the “hurry” that we are teaching our kids how to handle life. Plus, as you have shown it really is so much easier on everyone when ample time is given, expectations are communicated, & responsibilities are owned.
Mitzi!! It’s awesome to hear from you! Holy smokes, you hit the nail on the head. I don’t want to teach my kids to handle life like it’s “always an emergency” (to borrow Ann Voskamp’s phrase). Very good point!
Mmmmhmmm… we all need that reminder sometimes. Not to hurry. Thanks:)
I really am enjoying Ann’s blog, I just discovered it a month ago:)
Isn’t she da bomb? Adore her.
I love how you added time to ease tension.