Teri Lynne writes from her home in south Georgia in between driving the taxi for her 11-year-old daughter and helping her pastor-husband however he requests. She describes herself as a girl who longs to connect the hearts of women with the heart of God. She writes daily at Teri Lynne Underwood: Encouraging Lives Where the Sacred and Secular Collide. In May 2011 she released the eBook, Parenting from the Overflow, which inspires moms to parent out of the abundance of their relationship with God. You can find more information about her book on the Parenting from the Overflow website. And, of course, she’s on Twitter and Facebook!
Parenting a toddler was tough. Temper tantrums, hissy fits, and not enough sleep…and that was just me! But parenting a tween – just wow! The constant vacillation between playing with American Girl dolls and begging to wear makeup can really wear a momma out. We are constantly experiencing firsts again…first pimple, first serious body odor, first hormonal breakdown (followed by innumerable hormonal breakdowns by both daughter and mother). You get the idea.
My girl is funny and bright and beautiful … but she can also be sassy and lazy and a real pain in the tail. Her daddy is a pastor and her momma is a writer. Bless her! Every funny thing she says has potential to be a sermon illustration or Tumblr post. Likewise, some of the more challenging aspects of dealing with a growing girl can often find themselves entering into sermons and blog posts.
That was all fine when she was four or five, even eight; but now, she’s a lot more aware about social media and about the longevity of words. She realizes that people she’s never met and likely will never meet know a lot about her. And sometimes, that makes her very uncomfortable. So, as she’s gotten older, we’ve had to work hard at walking the line between her momma and daddy sharing parenting struggles verses the girl’s need for time to grow up out of the spotlight.
We muddle through most days and sometimes her daddy gets a talkin’ to after a Bible study or sermon when people ask her about her latest escapade. She reads my blog most every day and is quick to point out when I didn’t ask if I could share a story about her. I hope I’ve learned a few lessons that might help others navigate these difficult years – especially if you tend to write about your family or use your children as illustrations in Sunday school classes or other public forums.
First, don’t tell someone else’s story. Share what you have experienced or felt, but make sure you are telling your story, not your child’s.
Second, ask permission to share. Even if you are telling your perspective, as your child gets older, take a moment to talk to him or her and explain why you want to use a specific incident and ask if it’s okay.
Finally, admit when you’re wrong. Sometimes you’re going to share something you should not have shared. It happens to all of us. Be honest and apologize. Your child will learn how valuable a sincere apology is from your example.
If there’s a mom who doesn’t have it all together, it’s me! Some days I wonder if I’ll be able to afford the therapy bills the girl is bound to send us one day. I claim two verses regularly. Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding” {because I certainly don’t understand what’s going on in that sweet tween head most of the time!} and James 1:5, “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him” {because I *know* how much I need wisdom!}.
{Thank you to my beautiful friend Kristen for asking me to share my heart as a means of encouraging other moms of tweens. It’s a tough road but so much better when we walk it beside gracious friends and prayer warriors.}
Folks, Teri Lynne is the best kind of writer because she walks what she writes and writes what she walks. Her feisty spunk is a magnet that makes others want to know the Source of her encouraging and engaging personality! As a wife, mama, and friend, she represents our Lord so well. While her blog has a wealth of parenting information, her new ebook is a gold mine in itself. I encourage you to do yourself a favor and check ’em out! Plus, Teri Lynne is an Oklahoma State Cowboys fan, so I automatically love her. {GO POKES!}
photo credit
Oh girl! Thank you for having me … I hope I can be a tiny bit of encouragement of your readers. Love you! GO POKES!
Parenting a tween myself and she is in the same position as your daughter. Daddy pastor, Mommy blogger. There are definitely times where she comments, “is this going to be a blog post?” Especially if there is a camera in my hand. I try to be very sensitive to her. Often though I am reminded: I should be even more careful when I am talking to people and friends that know her. So often I would never blog about something and yet I end up complaining about it openly to her grandmother or my close friends. #somethingmommyneedstoworkon 🙂
You bring up a good point, Sharon. I need to be mindful of respecting my kiddos in the written AND spoken word!
Very good point!! I think we all are guilty of that.
Yep, my daughter’s in the same position–daddy, pastor/chaplain and mom, blogger. These were great reminders!
Good words of warning. Thanks for sharing.