My family and I have called Colorado Springs home for 5 1/2 years–longer than I’ve lived anywhere my entire adult life. In many ways, I’ve settled in well. After a good deal of searching, we finally found a church that feels like home, and I have new friends here as well as the dearest of friends I’ve known for a long time. My family has been able to put down roots that have time to dig a little deeper and spread a little wider.
But you know what? In spite of all that, it’s been a lonelier than usual season for me.
After pondering this, I think this is due in large part to my kids’ ages and stages. I’ve discovered that with two children in the bullseye of teen years and one just kissing distance from 13, I’m not as likely to hang around with other mom friends as I used to be.
10 years ago I would have thought having 3 kids in school meant easy lunch dates to catch up with friends, but the realities of working a job while scheduling things like grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments, and moderate exercise means my time isn’t nearly the banquet of freedom I thought it would be. Many of my local friends are doing the same thing I am–working in and outside the home as well as managing the scheduling Tetris that is a reality with big kids. So it’s very, very difficult to regularly meet together, pray together, and support one another as we have in the past.
What I’ve found true for me is that the older my kids get, the easier it is for me to feel isolated.
Not only that, but now is the time when kiddos start to pull away. Of course this is good and right and something that is as it should be, and I’m happy my kids are becoming more autonomous young people. I genuinely enjoy the gifts this brings, gifts like regular date nights with my husband without worrying about a babysitter. Still, the reality of it all sometimes feels like a 1-2 punch to the ol’ mama heart.
So, if you’re a mom of teens and feel a bit isolated yourself, just know I get you.
Not only that, I know how difficult it is to be a mama of teens–how hard it is to give freedom when there’s no guarantees on how that thing is going to turn out. I know the failure of flipping my everlovin’ mind over something my kids said instead of listening to their hearts. I know what it is to stare at the clock knowing full well there isn’t much time left to give them all I want to give.
It can all be so heavy.
But I also know that we moms of bigs and littles alike have a Savior who fills our pothole gaps and is what we aren’t. He is real power, real help, and real comfort. And he’s ours.
If you’re a mama of big kids or teens and would like more encouragement, join me right here at (in)courage.
And if you’re looking for a great read that offers hope and encouragement to moms with kids of any age in any stage, I highly, highly recommend Kristen Welch’s latest book Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World. A 5 star book full of practical wisdom that is as good as sitting down with Kristen herself. I devoured this one and will be revisiting it time and again.
And finally, if this lonely season is a new thing for you, perhaps my recently released book Girl Meets Change can help? Read more about it here.
Becky says
February 26, 2016 at 7:48 pmThanks for this! So many times the blogs and books and devotions on parenting that I discover are geared towards parents of the young child. I understand where you are with a 19 and 13 year old of my own. The “freedom” of having older children is sometimes a strange place. I have found a new layer in my dependence on and relationship with Jesus though. Looking forward to reading more on your journey.
Cassie P Shafer says
February 26, 2016 at 8:23 pmWhen our sons graduated from high school, I was tempted to reflect on the song “Sunrise, Sunset” from Fiddler on the Roof but I didn’t go there because they were THRILLED to take the next step and I was happy for them. As they entered into college and adulthood, we learned that quality time is far more important than quantity. God impressed on my heart that I did not have children for my purposes. My prayer is that they always seek “His” purpose. We love this season now, but it was a process for sure!
Jennifer Camp says
February 27, 2016 at 10:20 amThank you, Kristin. You described my stage perfectly. (My kids are 14,12, and 10.) I so appreciated your encouragement today. Bless you!
Beth Williams says
February 27, 2016 at 11:59 amKristen,
Raising children, tweens and teens is tough. This world today doesn’t make it any easier. They have more information bombarding them than ever before. Each stage of life requires new and innovate ways to communicate your love for them! Thanks for a great post!!
Blessings 🙂
Susan G says
February 28, 2016 at 1:09 amSuch good insight Kristen. I was there once too…but am now a grandma with those three once littles, then bigs, set off with wings of their own. It’s all seasons…that’s just what it is, seasons. And you have the answer to all those seasons…it is our Savior Jesus! He’s got all the answers, He is the answer…He is our Peace and gives us joy when things don’t look quite the same anymore. But He also leads us through it all! And onto more seasons…good seasons, happier seasons, and shows up just when we need Him to.
Then it starts all over again…with the grandchildren. 😉
Blessings to you!
Joy says
March 9, 2016 at 6:29 pmThanks for this, Kristen! “I know the failure of flipping my everlovin’ mind over something my kids said…” YESSS!!! My kids are from 9 months to 16 years. Honestly, I remember feeling lonely when I had my eldest and I was the only one of my friends that had a baby because I had her at 20.
But parenting teens is definitely a unique challenge for loneliness. I don’t think I ever felt so alone about parenting until I had a teenager. I remember texting my sister-in-law in tears while sitting on the floor of the bathroom because she was the only person remotely near my age I knew that had parented through the teen years. And she was 3,000 miles away! Thank God I have a few friends now who are also in the thick of the teen years, but I was just explaining to my 13 y/o yesterday how important it was for this one particular friend and I to share our hearts to each other because for goodness’ sake, WE NEED EACH OTHER!!
Anyway, this is a wonderful post. Thanks again. I will check out the (in)courage link!