It comes with the territory of being a straight up feeler.
Two years ago, my husband and I renewed our vows on a Hawaiian beach. {These grand romantic gestures are much easier and cheaper to pull off when you live in Hawaii.} The easy-breezy ceremony sparkled with all its bare feet and cotton dresses, sunset scenery and pastor’s blessings. Really, I much preferred it to the original one. But other than a little tweeting, I kept the whole affair on the down low. I didn’t write or facebook about it. At the time, I had a close family member going through a divorce, and I believed going on about my mushy vow renewal would be insensitive, even obnoxious.
So weeks later I tell a good friend about the ceremony, and he asks why I didn’t mention it sooner. I shrug and give my reasons. He listens, cocks his head sideways, and asks,
“Hmmm. Well, if that’s your reasoning, why not just get a divorce yourself and then really make her feel better?”
I sit up tall, taken back. But the more I thought about it, the more I believed he had a valid point. Sometimes, I don’t just take healthy sensitivity too far, I take it out of orbit. I err on the side of quiet for fear of hurting people’s feelings, although often this is a good thing. It shows I am aware of what’s going on with others and helps me participate in their life by not glossing over their hurts and joys.
But it also shows I resist tension, and herein lies the real problem: Sometimes I’m keeping such a close eye on Compassion, her sister Common Sense up and runs away. I can’t find her to save my life. And without Common Sense, all kinds of things start heading south.
As a Jesus loving person, tension comes with the territory. He always made the right choice, always said the right thing, and always loved the right way. And yet, He still grated some people the wrong way. But His only concern was keeping His Father’s will, and in that He lived in the tension.
I’m trying to stretch myself and live in the tension, too. I don’t want to be so lopsidedly worried about compassion I completely disregard common sense. Both are important for balance. I am learning how to share parts of me without fearing I’ll rile parts of you. But I’m not gonna lie: It’s a tricky thing for me.
What about you? Do you lean towards sensitivity or common sense? What do you do to get a little balanced perspective?
I love this Kristen!! You are amazing. Different times in my life I’ve leaned one way or the other. My core is to lean toward common sense. But when I let myself really live, it’s toward compassion. Lovely post, girl.
Sarah, seeing your name here makes me smile bigger than Texas. Love you! And thank you.
Ohhhhh yes, You are singing my song, susta! I lean towards sensitivity, and try to allow common sense, AND speaking the truth in love, to have a chance to get involved as well.
Yes! Remembering to speak truth in love is one sure-fire way to balance compassion and common sense! Love that.
I remember one time complaining (half in jest) to my pastor that my “Spiritual Giftings Quiz” results were almost even across the board. It was then that he told me a story of a pastor friend of his who was too compassionate. His friend often brought home men who were homeless or close to it to stay in their guest room until they could get back on their feet. His other duties, because of his large sense of compassion, he allowed to take over much of his time, to the point where his wife felt neglected. One might she turned her attentions to their most recent guest. I think that was probably one of the most painful possible ways to learn how important it is to keep a healthy balance. I’m glad your lesson was not nearly as painful as this example. I know that I took the story to heart when I heard it. I think that while I still wrestle sometimes with how to handle something (either with common sense or compassion or both), but this lesson learned vicariously helps me to put things in perspective more often than not.
Oh my. Yes, that is a wake up call, to say the least. Thanks for sharing, Bekka.
I lean more towards sensitivity, I don’t want to EVER do or say something that will hurt someone’s feelings…but I take it to far too. My husband is a straight shooter and usually the one to bring be back down into orbit 🙂
My husband brings me back down too, Alecia. We have good men, don’t we?
I’ve been thinking about what love does. How it tells truth. And sometimes, it nudges at painful parts in other people’s story. But ultimately, it shows His grace and that’s the most remarkable thing. How He uses All. For. Purpose., and we needn’t be ashamed of our own story. And that’s true worship.
Beautiful realizations here, friend. Truly.
I don’t know….as someone who’s just emerged from 4 years of infertility and recurrent miscarriages, I wish more of my Facebook friends (and real life friends for that matter) were half as sensitive as you. I’m pregnant now and it’s not on Facebook. Partly because I have single and infertile friends and I don’t want to inflict the emotional hijacking I experienced….but also because I don’t feel a need to broadcast such a personal event in my life to a large group of people, some of whom I don’t know that well. This “radio silence” has not been a burden – it’s been a chance to quietly savor this good news, to share both the initial news and then ongoing updates in person with the people I know are keen to share this journey with me. So, while I applaud your desire to brave tension when it’s required, I’m not sure that withholding news online was such a bad way to go. Just a thought.