Dear 18 year old me,
Do you mind putting down that Sweet Valley High book so I can share a couple things with you? And just so I know I have your undivided attention, might you turn off Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, too? Older, still-bossy me wants to offer younger, up-and-coming you a glimpse into your future as well as some pat-on-the-back encouragement for where you are now.
This shouldn’t be too painful. Promise.
Let’s just knock out the whole body image thing first, shall we? I know you dislike nearly everything about the way you look. From your birth defect to your Roman nose to your laffy taffy arms and legs, you look in the mirror and beg physical changes to hurry up already. Here’s the thing: These years are chock-full of awkward for most girls. I know, I know, not for your golden haired, curves-in-all-the-right-places BFF. But she’s the exception, not the rule. And I’ve got great news! When you grow up, you will love those long arms and legs. More than one person will call you a super model. You will grow into that Roman nose, although it will still keep you from believing the super model stuff. Just ride the tide now of being a head taller than all your non-lanky friends. It will be worth it, I promise.
I know you’re nervous about going to college and wish you could apply to one of the hoity toity out-of-state ones most your friends are going to. But trust me: Where you get your undergrad degree doesn’t amount to a hill of beans, at least not for your major. Save your money girl! And ya know what else? You will love Oklahoma State. You will happily bleed orange and eventually make new friends and one day teach your kids how to do both.
Relax about your grades. It’s one thing to work hard and do your best. It’s another to make an idol out of a perfect report card. Chill out, don’t be afraid of a B. In fact, just get a B already. You have before and it didn’t kill you. And another thing? In all my grown-up years, not once have my friends and I compared grades. We’re too busy going on and on about old people things like marriage and babies and prices at the pump.
Your figure is darling, so buy shirts and dresses a size or two smaller. Tall doesn’t equal big, and you’re smaller than you think.
With a wave of their hand, people tell you you’re too sensitive. True, you do wear your heart on the outside. It hangs off your sleeve. You take things personally too often, but you’re also a beautifully responsive sister and friend. I love that about you, and so do many others.
That boy your dating but don’t feel super comfortable with? There’s a reason, sweet thing. The real boy you’re meant to be with will saunter your way soon. You will first notice his chocolate brown eyes and the swoony way his biceps fill his sleeves. You will later discover his heart fills his chest and that he will call you beautiful daily, whether you feel that way or not. Whether you act that way or not.
And when your parents ask about him and how old he is? Best own the straight up truth and tell them he’s not just a junior in college but a 26 year old junior in college. Go ahead and tell them he’s in the military, too. Might as well get it all out in the open now. I know you’re scared half to death because you know Daddy isn’t going to like the age difference one bit. And you’re right. Poor Mama will spend hours days calming him down. But trust me: When the boy visits, Daddy will eventually put the shotgun away and come to love him like the son he never had. Promise.
It would be a good idea for you to give up bossin’ those two younger girls who live with you. They are your sisters, not your slaves. Love them hard and don’t take advantage of them. I know this is difficult since one of them has mad sewing skillz and a better eye for fashion than you {this won’t change, by the way}. I know the other is cute as a speckled pup and at 10 years younger, she is super easy to boss. But she watches you more than you know, and she’ll learn a lot about how to treat people from you. While it’s hard to believe, there will come a day when you live far, far away from your sisters. Let them tag along today because you’ll miss them tomorrow.
Now here’s the thing you probably don’t want to hear: I still feel 18 sometimes. I’m a mess who doesn’t have it all together. Nobody does! But the good news is I know better how to handle those gobblygoopy bad-feeling-days. It isn’t about you but about an enemy who would love to destroy you heart, mind, and soul. He gets a kick out of telling you lies. Sometimes he speaks them to you and sometimes he gets others to do it for him. And it still happens today, daggumit. But the difference is now I tell on him sooner than later.
Say Truth out loud, let it ring in your ears. Start learning the Old Testament from the New, God’s steady ways over the shifting world’s. Value His opinion of you over other people’s. He’s easier to please anyway.
You are a doll, for realz. And you are loved wildly.
xo,
Kristen
I wrote this letter in honor of Emily Freeman’s new book for young women, Graceful. It’s the little sister to her previous book, Grace for the Good Girl. It’s the same but actually completely different, kind of like comparing Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You” to Whitney Houston’s. Recognizable but reworked for a new audience.
On Friday, September 14th, Emily is inviting you to link up your own letter to your teenage self. Whatdaya say about playing along with us?
Also, Emily is kindly giving away two copies of Graceful! To enter, kindly leave a comment telling me a memory from your own teenage years. Without a doubt, this book is a perfect way to love on the young daughters, nieces, babysitters, and friends in your life.
Giveaway ends this Sunday.
Giveaway now closed.
Becky M says
I love remembering high school dances, especially the two with my future husband!
Kristen says
Awww, love that Becky!
Jenn says
Ohmygoodness I love this post. I’d tell 18yo me a lot of the same things. (“You call THAT a muffintop?! OMG just WAIT until you’re 25 with two kids. LOLOLOLOL”) Even if I could go back in time and tell myself a lot of these things, I have a feeling that hard-headed, stubborn Jenn would not be too open to listening. 😉
Stacey says
For realz, you are all kinds of cuteness.
Pattie says
Lovely, lovely post. I have said similar things to my teen and nearly-teen…I really hope it sinks in to their souls.
Kristen says
You’re a great mom, Pattie. I bet more is sticking to their souls than you know!
Jamie says
Kristen! I love this! You are seriously adorable and your heart? BEAUTIFUL! I’ve got a few things I’d love for my teen self to hear.
p.s. no need to enter me in the giveaway – I’ve already bought the book to give to my teen girl 🙂
Kristen says
You are so darling, Jamie. Love you!
Megan O'Neill says
Love Love Love Love Love you more than words can ever say:) Guess what-Baby Sister still watches you and is inspired by you and utterly blessed to have you as MY sister! Sometimes I don’t want to share you, but there is just to much wonderfullness about you to be that selfish! Fact is, sometimes I wonder what I did to get so lucky to have not just one amazing sister but TWO!! Geeeez-how good can it get? Very very very good;) I love you!!!! BTW-thanks for breaking Mom and Dad in for me;) And that guy you married? One of the best things that ever came our way!!
Kristen says
Ha! Ha! I guess I did break them in, huh? And you are lovely and adorable and forever my only baby sister. Love you! xoxo
Cheryl C. says
Funny you wrote on this subject…we must be on same wavelength. On my dog walk this morning, I realized that who I am (beliefs, emotions, responses to others, etc) today has been shaped more in what has happened to me the last 20 years than what happened in the first 20. I no longer approach symptoms of LIFE and treat them with the by-gone medicine I used to soothe my way through “surviving” those first 20 years. Thank you GOD! Reflection is a wonderful tool and I’m so grateful my reflecting pond flows over sometimes to wash away those things in life I no longer need to hold onto because they only hold me back.
LOVE YOU, Friend!
Kristen says
” Reflection is a wonderful tool and I’m so grateful my reflecting pond flows over sometimes to wash away those things in life I no longer need to hold onto because they only hold me back.” ~ Thank you for this, friend. You are joy to me.
Amy says
Ah, I see so many similarities…obsession over grades and our figures and going to in-state school. Amazing how so many of us have such similar experiences.
Holley Gerth says
Oh my gosh. I love these pics of you. We would so totally have been friends then just like we are now. 🙂 Love you!
Becky says
I thought tall meant big, too. Now my grown-up friends envy my height. If only my teenage self could’ve seen that coming. I’ve been loving these Dear Me letters. Hilarious and poignant, silly and heartbreaking. This one is great, Kristen. I’m going to tell my girls about the love-your-sister part. So true.
Kristen says
Tall girls unite! {grin} And I’m taking notes on many of these Dear Me letters. Love them.
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
Your words ring so true, K! You were/are a true blue beauty.
Caroline says
Kristen, this was extremely beautiful. I related to so much of this (minus the tall, lanky-ness, ahem). You touched on so many important things… idols (of report cards), self-esteem, clinging to (and sharing) truth. Thank you.
Scooper says
I LOVE this, especially the “three of you” picture. : ) The post was just perfectly put. Why did we spend so much energy beating ourselves us back then?
Laura says
I remember my dad chaperoning my 16-year-old self on a date with this guy I didn’t know too well. I was super embarrassed about it at first, but then really grateful. 🙂 Aaaaaah, the teen years.
Angela says
This is so fabulous. I just love your heart Kristen.
Shannon Holzem says
I remember being the one who was always left out. I guess now I find that being alone sometimes made me realize what I can do myself. Thanks for this. I still beat myself up on a regular basis. And need to stop.